I often wonder about life and where it comes from, why it is and where it is going.

I used to be into various areas of the occult .. not black magic or anything like that. No more mediums, tarot cards, numerology and healing. That sort of thing.

In fact I have some crazy stories littered about on my blogs .. speaking to a medium or clairvoyant from several miles away without using a phone .. scaring the shit out of the two women I knew at the time who went to see her. Yeah that was funny .. and .. kind eerie.

But the scientist in me had to rule out so many things over the years .. but still questions remained unanswered.

Of these was a series I watched a few episodes of called The Ghost In My Child.

I saw one a few years back regarding a boy who claimed to be a fight pilot in a previous life in World War 2 of an aircraft barrier based Corsair, I think it was? It was one of those things that really makes you stop and think.

Dr Carl Sagan once said that there was nothing in Astrology because there was nothing in space to connect us to the planets. While I thought he was correct in his assessment of astrology I was not quite so sure about there being no connection. That space was entirely empty.

Upon hearing the story of the boy who had visions of a previous like as a pilot I remembered I had often asked myself if this told us something about ourselves? Maybe they we exist, or our souls, on another plane of reality? That when we die we go through some sort of transition period into another level of being and can eventually come back as someone else.

But why would we do this and why would we want to? Are we .. forced to?

Certainly when I experience the life that I Have just lived and I see the way that people in this world, particularly those in power, treat others I find it hard to believe how any being would want to inhabit these short lived, broken and basic instinct driven bodies?

Maybe we are sent back into these husks like soldiers going to war? That we have to keep coming back until we evolve to a stage where we can come back and have happier and longer existences?

Maybe this is destined to continue until we got to a stage of transhumanism? Or maybe just a half way stage of cybernetic augmentations?

Or perhaps our existence in this other plane is even less bearable than this one? Though I find this very hard to believe. No nerve endings and no pain? No emotions? Or at least a lot less? Sounds cool to me!

Maybe our souls are our true beings and that they exist as some kind of quantum energy strings that were actually created like everything else, at the time of the big bang? I mean it would make more sense for this to be the case. Not entirely sure that the big bang was purely a creation of hydrogen alone. Yeah much of the matter we now understand to be made in stars but why all?

I mean let us take a look at what scientists say about matter. There is not enough of it in the universe? Wait, what?

We can only see so far and beyond a distance we can only see that which emits photons and even this needs to be a hell of a lot of photons. The matter furthest away we cannot even see anyway so there is matter that is too far away and then all the matter we cannot see.

Not so long ago they believed there were very few stars out there with planets and believed that stars had a limit to their mass. I certainly did not believe planets were rare and I strongly believed that all stars we could se in the night sky all had their own planets.

They made their educated guesses about Pluto .. they got that very wrong too and I expected the to be wrong too.

We have no idea how many block holes there are out there now how many stars in the galaxy we are unable to see. So we simply do not know.

I have often theorised about how many rogue planets there exist in both interstellar space as well as intergalactic space? Again we just do not know.

But missing matter became dark matter and it has been talked about ever since. There may well be dark matter but it might not be as much as they think it currently is.

There are those stories of seeing people that come back from the verge of death that claim to see a bright light. Happening enough times to force you to take some notice. Of course this had always been associated with the pearly white gates or doorway to heaven for most. But maybe it is not? I think that this is just the transition phase, if it is of course anything at all, before you move onto this other plane.

What I find interesting about these stories if children claiming to be people who are reincarnated is the fact that they can also be from other nations and even genders.

Funny then that we might be beings without sexual dimorphism inhabiting bodies with sexual dimorphism but that there is a section that want to bang everyone’s heads against the wall until we accept that there is in fact no sexual dimorphism. Or that there are 46 different genders .. depending on which individual within this group you are talking to? The even more bizarre part of this very confused, mixed up and very wrong group is that they claim we are all one and then want to single out one particular group and say and do some horrible things to them.

Yeah it seems as human beings we can still be ruthless, nasty and hypocritical and I wonder of any of these people own mirrors?

They think they are modernised and above all .. civilised and they are so, so wrong and we have a long, long way to go. A bloody long way to go.

I kind of think of it as a grand scale event of delusions of grandeur. A crying shame it really is because it is actually preventing us from evolving into something better. Because they are trying to force us to evolve into their image which is biased and above all else .. wrong.

As much as I would love for it to be possible, as I am sure billions of others would, you simply cannot speed up evolution. Nature wont be happy having her backside whipped like that.

Yeah .. and that leads me onto something else that a huge great many with delusions of grandeur seem to have forgotten. Nature is a bitch and she can and will bite back, just like any other anmals in the world. Though they seem to think that there are not affected by animal instincts like the rest of us and you can even see it in their eyes, hear it on their voices and watch it in their body language.

Quite .. bizarre.

I spend my time dealing with this which normally comes through in my frustrations and that is actually how I wanted it and intended it. To be raw, so to speak, so that later down the line things I say and points I make can be much more easily explained and proved.

Theirs? Yeah .. that will not be.

We live in a strange world and it seems to be getting stranger by the way, or at least the misguided and bonkers people in it seem to be.

In a perfect word there would be no ailments, no suffering and I would live in a world with only scientifically minded people all working in unison towards a goal.

Instead I live in a world where people have ludicrous and bonkers beliefs but sit there in their chairs opposite me talking down to me and looking down their proverbial noses at me?




A grey and cloud covered sky is all that I have.

No distractions or concerns and no one within my personal circle to care about.

No one here and lack of thoughts about what to do and where to go.

The loneliness is all enveloping and surrounds me like a silk shroud.

The issues apparent and forever increasing one questions the meaning to exist.

Pictures are viewed far and wide while hope lingers that an exit appears.

The darkness always waiting just outside almost gesturing a knock upon my door.

Long talks that fill the heart were never discovered

Little things said that shroud the heart in warmth forever absent.

A mere glimpse of a longing gaze lost now to the sands of time.

The gentlest of touches to raise the bumps while hairs stand to attention.

Life is empty but for horrors and plights that spread like disease.

All meaning and purpose fade to insignificance while pondering the tough questions.

Direction seemingly lost and memories fade into the darkness that spreads.

Where then be the light to guide ones way?

Be there any that could coax you and fill you with hope?

While the darkness and grey grow and the light fades one prays for the faintest sign.

A direction to head and a goal to reach that may repair this damaged heart to feel love but once.


How could I forget quantum entanglement?!

Oh yeah … I forgot … I have memory issues and many times each day my mind goes blank and I cannot think of the things I need to do throughout the day.

I can walk along in my supermarket within a metre or two of the bottles of milk I went to the store for and it simply does not register. But I might return home with toilet tissue instead?

When it works the brain works extremely well. I mathematical puzzle in the form of a ven diagram at college needed algibra to solve it. At least that was what the lecturer stated. I was good at algebra at school but now ass a mature student trying to get into university to acquire a degree I could not recall any of it. So I sat back in my chair while others scribbled out equations to reach the answer.

“Umm, Steve?” I enquired five minutes into the scribbling…”Is the answer 17?”

Steve Lockett, the lecturer who gave us the problem, turned his back on my quickly while pulling a face,, sticking his tongue out the side of his mouth which was a tick that gave his answers away at times.

He paused for a moment before stating “Let us wait and see what the others get from their equations”

After several more minutes a voice broke the silence “I have 17” I heard before looking towards the student to see him staring back at me with shock on his face. The silence was broken again “I have 17 too?!” I heard as another student now stared at e with a quizzed look upon his face. And again “I have got 17 as well” and one by one before more than half a dozen students all now sat looking at me, now feeling sheepish, with a look like they wanted to ask me something.

Before they got the chance to the lecturer spoke “OK, now how in the hell did you do that?!”

I might have forgotten my algebra from my school days many years before, I was 27 at the time, I was always good at seeing patterns. Again when my brain was relaxed and decided it wanted to come out to play.

I explained how I did it, it was not particularly complicated and gasps went around the room as the lecturer rubbed is forehead while smiling.

One of the students went on to Middlesex University with me and we had already become friends and he stuck to me. Even admitting at college he was going to stick close by me due to my understanding of things and the way I could see the answer to a complicated problem.

When my brain decides it wants to work.

But there I am passing within a few metres of the pure white bottles of milk I need and y mind is just blank!

There are the times I have been watching a documentary about life and hearing scientists and pseudoscientists waxing lyrical about how perfect the human body is and what a miracle it is and I just want to call them up and give them a right ticking off.

The amount of our brain that we use is tiny and the few health conditions I have cause over 100 symptoms and no cures are available and the drugs not allowed and I just want to tell him or her how bloody wrong they are.

The human body and brain is a wonderful thing but as for being perfect it is very, very far away.

As I learn more about the quantum world I learn we are getting closer than ever before in understanding things we never have before, like how our brain works and even our consciousness. But linked into our brain and body they are held back. We are tied to animal like habits too that have proved over and over again to far to many we fall prey to. At a high cost to others and themselves.

These actions can be found to take place in all levels of society in probably most countries of the world.

We are only human. Though in all honesty some actions whispered about but dare not reported actually puts some substance into how some refer to them as a reptile race. The R-complex of the brain being the likely culprit.

Absolutely no one is immune to the basic human feelings that lie deep inside us. Though in my own experience some seem to act and behave as if these basic feelings to not apply to them. No. They apply to one and all in varying degrees.

I often wonder at what point in time and how many generations it will take us to shake off some of these things. How long before they are buried deep down inside so far that they never surface?

Maybe by understanding quantum mechanics we can learn how the brain works and that will lead us to ways of changing these feelings, controlling these feelings or subduing them altogether until such a time that they simply dissipate entirely? Or rather that part of the brain simply shrinks away and becomes redundant.

Yes so I forgot about quantum entanglement.

Two particles are sometimes linked to each other in such a way that they can instantly send finite data to each other and do this instantly.

Faster than the speed of light!

Let me explain ..

They have found that this entanglement exists between particles and that if you, say, measure one particle to see which state it is in, spinning up or down, when they do so the other particle is always the opposite. Measure the other particle instead and every time whatever state it is in the other will always be the opposite.

This occurs even if one particle is on the moon and the other here on Earth!

Based in these peculiar actions and properties you could transport an object from one place to another and … this is no longer theory. The particles might be small but they have achieved this already. I believe one experiment was done on the Canary Islands?

Amazon might have been a bit too quick talking about using drones to deliver items?!

There must be a sub-atomic level of spacetime or contact between the fabrics of alternate dimensions that allow these peculiar actions to take place? Once again if asked any theoretical theorist will tell you they simply do not know. Unless I have missed a documentary or lecture? But there will be many theories.

The next decade will be extremely interesting and I cannot wait to see what is discovered, unless I am told soon I have an inoperable cancerous tumour in my head from a recent MRI scan or a public office succeeds in leading me to an early grave?!

As I have stated in the past I never really thought that death was the end and there had to be something more? It … dare I say, felt like there was something more?

Now due to quantum mechanics they are now looking back into people with near death experiences and children that talk about having previous lives. Maybe our consciousness is part of the energies that exist in a sub-atomic world and we find a way to attach ourselves to a brain of a living thing? I wonder if that is why life evolved? Maybe it is all designed so that we evolve into a state that our consciousness can live in to full effect?

Maybe we are destined to create androids with quantum computers as a brain that we can upload our consciousness into?

After all if we live in another form and strive to live in this three dimensional reality what does it matter what form it is in?

Have you eer looked into a mirror and seen a physical part of yourself you do not like? Ever thought about how strange your nose or ears might look? Is it not strange that we think of parts of our bodies as if we just purchased parts in a shop but now having second thoughts about it? AS if it was not really … well, ours?

Maybe it is because it was not what we expected?

Think of it like an episode of the classic science fiction series Doctor Who when he goes through a regeneration. When he was played by David Tennant one thing he said when he first appeared and attempted to talk was “”Oh … teeth” … if I remember correctly, which I sometimes do not. Well think of it like that … we sometimes seem detached from parts of our own anatomy and … well, judge that part.

I always thought how weird this was when I did this, as if the part is not really mine?

I remember watching a programme about children that recalled previous lives, called The Ghost In My Child, or something similar. One episode had a particularly amazing story about a young boy called James who shocked his mother once when she pointed out aircraft in TV as dropping bombs when he corrected her and said they were empty fuel tanks. He started to tell stories about how he used to be a pilot and started to recall much finer detail in things. His police officer father tried to play it all down and constantly tried to disprove it. But the boys mother paid closer attention and used to ask her son about things he recalled. Eventually they got the name he used to be known by and even the name of someone who was a friend of his in this previous life.

Now at one point he mentioned that he was a pilot of an aircraft called the Corsair that was based on an Aircraft Carrier. On researching this the father found information he fiorst thought to be correct and stated that it was all nonsense as Corsairs were not stationed on Aircraft Carriers or this particular Aircraft Carrier. Digging some more the boy’s mother discovered to her shock that there was indeed a pilot with the name her son had told her about.

She tracked down the pilots family and discovered he had a sister that was still alive. She acquired the ladies contact details and asked her if she had anything about her brother she could send over, too scared to admit the real reason she was phoning her. The lady sent over some things for the mother to look at.

Upon receiving and opening the package she phoned her husband and told him he had to come home at once. Upon entering the house the boy’s mother presented her husband with a picture of the pilot their son claimed to be standing next to a Corsair that was standing on the deck of an aircraft carrier! The father was stunned.

They contacted the sister of the dead pilot’s sister again and revealed their story and the lady invited them over. Upon entering the house James, the young boy, ran over to the old lady and through his arms around her and said “Hello, Annie!” and the old lady looked at the boy’s parents and said “Only my brother ever called me Annie!” and explained she was convinced that the boy was her long dead brother.

There was likely more details to the story I am failing to recall? Very recently I watched a lecture about consciousness and to my surprise this boy and his story was bought up in the lecture as an example and evidence that our consciousness lives in. Possibly in some quantum state that I imagine we are still a few years away from understanding. That is if we ever understand it at all?

The lecture by that medical Doctor I spoke of can be found below and the story he tells briefly of the young boy called James can be found in the lecture at around the hour mark…

Maybe we exist as a completely different life form in the quantum world and are able to entangle ourselves to the human brain so that we might exist?

Maybe we are intending to shape the universe so that we might exist within it?

I wonder too if this is why we are always thinking up of realities where we ravel through space, and time, and across both interstellar as well as intergalactic space? Because of our desires to see new things? To explore, discover and shape things to our will?

There are the answers out there to be discovered and I now think that at least in most they are not as far out of our reach as I once thought?

I just doubt about the abilities of evolution for us to catch up?


I am suddenly questioning reality. No, really I mean literally.

Soon after pulling out of watching a sickening conspiracy video that left me sick to my stomach I got back to the subject I have focused on of late. That of quantum mechanics.

This was a subject I wanted to get into for some time now. I worked with a solicitor who was a friend and he got into it, purchased a book and once finished gave it to me. I never got around to reading it. I did get a quick description from him of how it works down the level of an atom which … was close but not quite right.

It was explained that there was up spin, down spin and spinning both ways at once and this stuck in my mind for several years.

I took two things from this description …

  • That a transistor would now shrink be several factors down to that of an atom (which was a big deal in itself)

  • That instead of just two states, 1 and 0, you now had a third

If that has made you say “Wow, what?!” well you read that right. Except the truth is weirder than that. Sub-atomic particles like that of electrons can exist in several places at once. That is until you measure them. They are a wave until they are measured and then become a particle. The first proof of this was a simple test that anyone could do known as the double slit experiment.

You wanna know what is really going on? Well though because no one knows, lol. They just know that it does.

So the spinning both ways at the same time was not … precisely correct.

One theory is that the particles that behave this way are leaping from one dimension to another and back again in a different place to that they were in when they blinked out of existence on our plane of reality.

It is one theory.

String theory works on the basis that there are different realities that exist on membranes or branes for short. I used to think that these might have something to do with the frequency that all particles vibrate.

We also now know that the vacuum of space is not … exactly right either but this I am not that surprised about.

I have wondered that in spacetime as we know it particles have to be of a certain size or mass to … well, exist in it. Maybe that strings, of energy, themselves exist outside of it. That which exists, or indeed does not exist, outside of spacetime. That the process that may have started the big bang actually started several and that is how the different membranes came into existence. If they exist. Separated by vibration frequencies or another something else?

That is just me at times in the past when my mind has wandered.

Now that I have watched enough documentaries I am starting to think that the three values to be stored by a single atom was … underestimated a little.

This known fact of these sub-atomic particles existing in multiple places at once, or at least as we currently understand it, is known as a superposition, which is a pretty good description really.

What I saw tonight though and learnt was something that is going to blow the minds of every single person I know.

Oh and one other one I have to look into in more depth.

This one is straight out of one of the most favourite and famous sci-fi movies of all time.

The Matrix.

The theory?

That we are living in a simulation?!

In all honesty I had mixed feelings when I heard that one as if true … they could at least fix my fecking Fibromyalgia, or I mean to say the kink in the central nervous system in the base of my neck that causes the damned condition and its 100 plus symptoms.

You see where I am coming from?

However this speaker, cannot recall his name, speaking at a university in Manchester, stated something that was very true … several things in fact.

  • Not that long ago we was playing Pong video games

  • Today we play in worlds that look remarkably like a 3D world

  • Virtual Reality is about to take off

  • Now imagine what the reality of video game simulations will be lie in ust twenty or thirty years?

In other words it will not be long before … you will not be able to tell a simulated world from the real world.

Sooo … maybe we are already in one?

How about we get a little weirder while your heads is still spinning?

Maybe … the ones controlling us are themselves in a simulation controlled by others?

Noodle cooked yet?

You might well be wondering what in the hell else I heard I need to look into a greater depth?

Oh just a little detail about a scientist who was looming at the maths behind the smaller details of reality, string theory, that noticed computer code created ages ago that is used in web browsers. Dr James Gates Jr, that was his name. Still trying to remember new names in all this, Brian Greene is pretty easy to remember.

I think I can smell something burning? Yup, your noodles definitely over cooked now! Lol.

What with quantum computers being fully functioning now and many working on them all over the globe with more no doubt following things are going to get very strange before very long.

What these new powerful computers will lead is to is anyone’s guess.

Strange then that we live in a world where some very bizarre people are in power and we treat each other the way that we do?

Another thing that was mentioned was transhumanism were we upload our minds into a computer, though he spoke as if we would not actually be mobile in these computers. I have a sneaky suspicion that robotics and androids will be in a surprisingly advanced state in ten or twenty years too.

We also have Graphene too and all the things that will lead to in the following ten years and the search for unusual properties that other elements might by hiding if forced into single atoms slices or other shapes or thicknesses? I mean carbon turns into Graphene when one atom thick and others may do two or at two or three atoms thick or arranged in particular shapes?

It is thinking about these things that keeps me going at times and puts my other .. currently ongoing issues into perspective. Yeaah does sound a bit like an understatement that.

Ooh yeah, I forgot about that other study going on about the human consciousness, or soul if you prefer and the fact that they think they have an answer to that, or on the verge of a breakthrough.

I also wonder about the timing of all this?

When the financial crisis going on globally started one of the things I stated to a friend of mine, I will have to remember to remind him of what I said and this posts subjects, is that we would need a … push. A eureka moment. Something … new to get everyone motivated again. A breakthrough and wow product, or set of products or new horizon to aim for. Until this happens things might remain .. well, stuck in the mud so to speak.

We are primates and need to be entertained and don’t I know it?! Things have become somewhat miserable and a little bit boring. Added to this people are feeling threatened to due to changes handled badly and you have a pressure cooker about to go off.

These few things might be it … just that they are at least ten years off is all. Lol. Maybe five for one or two but they certainly all will not come together for at least ten years.

I will likely read, listen and learn all this and then get that letter that tells me it was all a waste?

Confusing times indeed.