My daughter got a phone-call tonight.

This was a it weird as most people she knew had been at the house at some point, her two step-brothers, mother and grandmother as I explained in a recent post. Her two friends, a couple, tha normally come once a week for a bit of a drink and the lady I like next door.

I thought it was a phone-call from a certain prison inmate .. again?

The lady next door is kind of nice .. no, really nice to my mind. She seems and sounds intelligent and is as cute as hell.

But .. she has had some rotten luck. Really .. rotten luck.

Well the other night she asked my daughter in for a drink. In fcat it had been a tough day for my daughter and may have been the day after her mother let her down with looking after just one child. The most problematic child, granted, but just the one child nevertheless.

There are three more children and two of them are problematic and one is heading for puberty. It was another example of the grandmother attempting to play something down and after failing to cope for even a whole night, returning the child on or just prior to midnight, she then went on a lecture within two days about how to control these children.

One does not need much controlling .. though he is rapidly heading for puberty. Yeah .. that does not bear thinking about what with the other three. Puberty is a bit of a lottery really .. you never quite know what I is your going to get.

He has always been a quiet kid and oh my God I have just seen the bloody time! I thought it was bout 10am and I have just had needy-boy calling out for mum because he wants a drink because his mouth is dry?! Yeah it is a lie he copies form his mother ho says it because she gets a dry mouth and is a result of her Fibromyalgia. Even I have to put up with a mouth full of tap water on occasion.

My daughter said she would be an hour but was back after about five or ten minutes and said ..

“Dad, you will never believe what she just asked me?! ‘Hey, is your Dad single by any chance?”

Almost bizarrely when she was there the other night she was making wavoes about the authorities, said that Sophie was being neglected ad treated like shit and was going to go down there and give them hell. My daughter simply said “My God, you sound like my Dad!”


I am putting Family Guy and American Dad on and carrying on with this one tomorrow!

Oh dear!

Boxing Day morning starts with an awkward question .. which came from something that was .. very embarrassing and then something that made us bloody angry.

Yeah so our heads are spinning.

I also have to be careful what I say. Lol.

First off it would seem that my daughter read my blog post yesterday .. or rather someone else did while she listened.

I was asked if I was going back to London in January?!


I was told to answer honestly but that is what I always do, despite what early readers might think with some of the claims I have made.

Oh I have had to stop three times for children already. Was going to try and continue this tonight to begin with .. but after clearing up .. picking some baked in .. umm .. something, paint or play-doh out of the carpet, throwing some stuff away and a vacuum there was a bit of a lull. Silly me and now someone is screaming about something and I have had to hit play on a portable DVD player that has Frozen playing.

As far as the claims I have made .. I am afraid that over the next few weeks your going to find out the hard way that I am always right and as always it will be at out expense, though more specifically my expense if it goes the way I think it will.

It starts of by stating that we have spies in our midst .. and not the sort of spies that I was embroiled with in the past nor the ones that wanted to speak to me regarding employment. Different kinds of spies.

This came about when we had a Christmas Tree in our window described to us and I tried to play it down by stating that Christmas Trees were generally green, white or silver with a few exceptions.

Seven times I have now stopped .. make that eight though two of those were for an adult. Now I have older one hovering around for things he should have kept track of. But then this is an exceptional house with more than one exceptional child.

Yeah so I had to explain myself and my fears ..

It seems I am doing a bit more than just the job of a rusty third wheel .. but the I am not sure about the wheels themselves.

Something to work on.

So that explained why she was a little quiet. Also she did not get in the house until around 7am to 8am and so not had a great deal of sleep.

Then as I explained myself and we started to talk about things it turned out that she had seen my very recent blog post while she was with someone. Someone I had recently referred to as ‘cute’. Yeah my face must have been a picture when I found out that she had read that too! Ooh boy! Lol.

But that was not the ‘coup de grace’ so to speak. Though there is nothing merciful about this.

A phone-call was received outside of the room I am now sitting in and my daughter came in and looked .. well, pissed!

She went off on one, dropped her phone on the floor .. said basically I was right about allegations I made about all the public services and them being incompetent, liars and despite how they speak in the news media do not give a flying feck about the general public .. only their careers.

Something that needs to change .. seriously fast if the are to prevent a revolution from taking place down the line!

The phone-call came from prison .. and a cocky domestic abuser .. ooh wait .. domestic abuser .. yes so .. he phoned from prison with .. an unusually cocky attitude. After all the times we have reported him calling us and the way that he talks as if nothing has changed .. like he will get out of prison and come straight back here and carry on where he left off. Bit of trouble what with me standing in the way. But then I was convinced this would never happen. ‘A Historical Court Case’ they called it with follow ups like ‘He will spend ten years in prison’ and ‘ then get deported’.

In his cocky attitude .. which was different he then calmly stated that the Police were dropping some of the charges as there was not enough evidence before stating “I told you I would win!”

Of course the mother was not able to be reached on the phone as per usual and was supposed to take some stuff over to the new house today .. but bailed, promising to do it first thing tomorrow and .. not much of a reaction to the phone-call an claim other than stating “It was probably bullshit just to scare you?” But even I know this unheard of cocky attitude meant something .. I was also asked by one of his compatriots the other day when and where we were moving?! That is the second time I have been asked that by the same man since I have been here.

It seems I am destined to put this particular community on the face of the nationwide news media map .. except they are as corrupt as they come so .. who knows?

My daughter started packing .. cleaning to which I then started helping and in her panic decided to pack every single Christmas decoration away .. 11 days early!

So among many things needy-boy got a Nintendo DS to keep him quiet, which is hard to do, the older autistic girl got a neat gift of a cheap DVD portable player and Frozen to keep her quiet which unfortunately many of these toys made the youngest one .. louder. Because of Frozen mostly. Except the older autistic girl has this habit of pressing buttons. Even when she has on what she wants on TV and has no idea what 99% of the buttons do on the TV or DVD remote .. she ends up pressing them and turning off that which she wanted and then complains about it. Head scartching stuff I am .. just mind-boggled at.

I told my daughter after watching her switch off the portable DVD three times in thirty minutes “Do you realise she has not watched Frozen all the way through once on that? Probably not even half way through without turning it off?” and she gave me a look and just nodded.

Not serving the purpose for which it was intended. Focus.

Yesterday a friend who was visiting walked into the living room and despite having seen this before and heard it before he said “You know your fridge door is wide open?!” Yeah .. that happens several times a day. All four of them but at least the older one closes the door.

Needy-boy was also sick and by that I mean … throwing up .. and he looked at me and I said “You know what that is? Far too many sweats I am afraid and that is what happens” to which he then started crying. He vomited into a bag for a bit and five minutes later was asking for food?!

Don’t know about anyone else but if I am sick to the point of throwing up .. I cannot go anywhere near food for at least 12 hours and anywhere up to 24!

Remember this is Boxing Day morning! MORNING!

Thank you Police .. thank you local councils .. and thank you DWP! There are probably some others worth mentioning ..ooh the NHS of course.

One of the worst cases of endangerment, harassment, health issues which includes several cases of disability you can possibly imagine. It also has the potential to end very badly .. and prison for someone that wont deserve it, me, and very possibly fatal to several people including children.

Did I mention it was Boxing Day morning?!

So .. an awkward conversation from a scared daughter that thought I might desert her and my surprise that she might see it as me deserting her.

As I stated to her .. there was no way that I would go anywhere at all until I knew she was OK and the kids too in every way. Health wise, threats and everything else.

I also told her that this was only though fear, as my plans to help her, the children and support myself so that I could remain here were .. not going according to plan.

Then there is the fact that I am tired a great deal of the time and that familiarity is all that it comes down to. But that it is annoying because London is nothing like the pace it used to be years ago but that .. I feel like there is little there for me anyway. But that it is the areas that I am familiar with and that I know where as here and being alone now I really do not know the area. With my short term memory issues I will take a long time too. Unless I had someone to drive me around for a change that is.

I did reassure her but stating that on the contact sites I am on I do not look at anyone in London and only in this area .. well up to around 70 miles of where I am now seated. Wirral, Liverpool, Manchester but I mainy go for Cheshire and North Wales.

I should have held out for a countryside setting. That I would find a lot easier .. fewer people around and not near Birkenhead Town Centre so much. Only because of scars that an ex left with me.

I did also say that I had thought there might be a chance I might meet someone up here that would make things .. easier for me. Little did I know how much I would need that as things turned out to be worse than I expected and .. appear to be getting worse.

I am used to being on my own but here it is .. different. Only because of all of the failed public services that have made life for several of others, and tens if not hundreds of thousands of others .. a living nightmare.

Hmm I just recalled .. I did think about looking for local .. clubs to join, like Astronomy, wildlife, Orchids and the like. All the sciences I am into.

However .. being on my own a very long time makes .. not being on my own a little bit tricky but .. at least I am getting in some serious training here.

But as I told my daughter previously and will again tonight .. if I found someone who was nice, honest, sincere, intelligent and that wants to know and learn about things and had similar interests and even wanted to come out on my photo shoots, if I ever get to go on them .. then this would be like a dream come true I NEVER thought I would EVER realise or experience.

I often think that I would be lucky to be alive ten years from now. So not sure just how long any possible happiness would last.

Never really had much of any happiness in all honesty .. from devious ex-girlfriends to ones that were almost perfect apart from attacking me regularly.

In fact here is a but of a funny tale to go with the girlfriend who liked attacking me..

Her nephews and niece .. plus her sister see me as the one that got away and are still on my Facebook friends list today . Now with children of their own! They do not have much, if anything, to do with my former girlfriend. Turns out my daughter always thought I was calling her .. stopped by a phone-call, Korean. What I referred to her as is ‘The Career Girl’. She made me do a search and it seems like she is a company director now. Does not surprise me. I just hope she did not have any kids as she was somewhat .. heavy handed and violent. God help anyone working below her but then .. maybe she changed?

Oddly for about a day or two I thought she and a friend of my daughter’s had the same name but it turns out they are slightly different.

Also it seems that much of my blog has been gone through and my YouTube channels, including some old embarrassing ones I had planned to delete when the numbers built up and am now regretting.

My beard keeps getting unintentionally long but maybe it can save me from any blushes?

Yeah .. ahem .. I am at a disadvantage now. A funny one but an embarrassing one, lol.

Still .. now I also have a dangerous one too and suddenly .. oops .. stopped for a few hours .. friends and now a night out, not for me though, lol.

Oh and needy-boy has just ran in and said “My Nintendo DS has ran out” which might have something to do with the fact that he was running around with a friend of his, visiting friend’s daughter, and not actually playing it while leaving it switched on when he did not even let it recharge fully earlier .. oh well .. thought it was just Autistic children that had no concept of time? The one that is three and Autistic along with the other at two lack this concept. But this one is five and not Autistic. I have to wonder whether some things are rubbing off on is younger siblings or .. he is just five and that is what they do?

I would like to think that going back to school things will ease of for me but the issue is that they all do not go to school yet. One only in nursery and even then not every day. She does not like it either and plays up something terrible when she figures out where we are going. At least she is the only one.

Next year she goes to pre-school but even then its only for a couple of hours in the morning. But .. at least then the older one is in full tie school. That means that by then my days will be free to do as I wish. With a camera with any luck!

Ooh now I am imagining what it would be like to have a partner that comes with me on camera shoots, happy to sit there in a spot for between one and four hours fascinated by wildlife and/or landscapes.

Ooh now that embarrassing and up and coming moment? Well that should be .. interesting .. also .. need to kind of .. tidy myself up just a tad and not for the damned hospital tomorrow .. they can go and spin!

Ooh .. would be nice to have a new text buddy and someone that I can actually talk to that is not over two hundred miles away?!



As I stated before I do not like plastering children’s faces on the Internet.

However here is that family of mine in need of help over ..

  • Victims of Domestic Abuse and an Historical Court Case taking place in January 2018
  • Two of four Children more or less diagnosed with Autism .. several tests .. paediatrician left who take an inordinate amount of time for some reason
  • Discovery of mother having my disability of Fibromyalgia that sadly ad oddly ..
  • Has no less than THREE Cancer scares to get through
  • No or very little help from almost all authorities
    • Health Visitor OK
    • Social Worker OK but overworked and fails to turn up I believe at her bosses requests .. or tricks
    • Victim Support full of it
    • Family Support Worker turned up once .. seems OK not sure about his understanding of those involved
    • Police incompetent as per usual
    • Independent Review Officer (IRO) always going crazy about no one turning up (except health visitor) for something like eight children at-risk meetings .. keeps escalating complaint against Wirral Council but that is all that ever happens and fails herself to turn up once
    • Everyone fails to turn up save the health visitor who is by far the most regular attendee
  • I am here to help because I knew they would do very little
  • Did not expect to be here for three months and get no help myself either .. after ..
  • Being screwed up the rear by DWP over my disability and starting my own business with the help of Job Centre and their NEA at the thirteenth hour



This one I’ve wondered whether or not to speak about but as progress on so many things has been so slow .. I thought I would.

Domestic violence is a bad, bad thing.

It is not something I ever thought would happen to someone I was related to but has now happened twice that I know of.

This latest one end up with scarring on their arms, one child nearly thrown out of a window and they’re are other things that must be far worse because they won’t tell me.

There are things I have been told that are just too graphic to put on here.

The victim of scared about a lot of things ..

Three cancer scares I keep taking about.

Two autistic children.

Her other odd symptoms she now knows is a disability she inherited from me which involves memory problems.

Two other children, four in total, and getting them stuff for school, to school and everything else that comes with it.

I watch her struggle in the mornings .. and yet the children somehow have a good attendance record. I simply don’t know how.

This morning she was later than usual. You could see her frustration.

Two autistic children screaming over something or the other and needy-boy bleating, he is always loud and high pitched, about food or other things.

The very idea that this might become my responsibility fills me with absolute terror! If I’m still alive of it ever comes to that.

Last night she said something that worried me I never mentioned in that previous post ..

.. she is intending to refuse treatment is inevitable they are going to need to have to give her.

Basically excision of pre-cancer. Might be worse yet, they don’t really know. It’s just classed on high-grade based on what are small biopsies.

We still have a biopsy result from another area yet!

And I’m sitting here waiting for this damn double flu to pass so I can help more than I am?!

I’ve made sacrifices I never dreamed I would make.

I’m living in an area I never dreamed I’d ever live in, in a million years.

I’m wondering if my heart will give up at some point or I’m rushed into hospital.

But I have to watch in silent frustration and anger as she does what she has to do.

It’s a date worse than death and by the looks of it, for both of us.

I’ve often championed good causes on here over the years .. I never imagined I’d become part of a really bad one myself?!

Maybe she will change her mind again like she did the house?

So .. will he get sentenced?

I heard one accusation .. despite being unconscious with a fever for an hour or two while another support worker was here .. in a zombie like state I had to hold back, or try, convulsions as I wanted to laugh.

It involved having something done to him that was .. phallic and .. a place where sunlight does not come to rest?!

I have suddenly been asked for a Police check. No problem there .. kinda funny. I wonder what he said about that which would warrant a Police check? I gave my addresses and date and place of birth accordingly.

Maybe when they have checked I might get told what this accusation is? Well I know he is a lying piece of scum but then every single one of his type have turned out to be like that anyway. I am told its part of their .. culture towards others.

In fact he and his brethren have made my life a living hell for the last ten years. That is ten years and despite the fact that they have been helped and allowed to do this .. the victims and sufferers of their actions have been kicked in the teeth .. repeatedly.

I have lost count of the number of times I have ended up in A&E. The number of Doctors and Specialists across GP Surgeries and Hospitals. It is now seven for the former and six or seven for the latter. Though I am expecting the latter to increase.

The torture of what these people are allowed to get away with along with the symptoms I have had to endure, anxiety being the worst and has you praying to die, what your own public services do to you on top of all this is .. just inhuman of the highest order.

So here we are wondering if he will get away with it because we hear of others that have gotten away with it.

If he does he fully expects to get back into the fold, so to speak, as if nothing has happened.

We thought that maybe there was something .. wrong with him .. like being autistic himself but one of the visiting support workers says no. He states that he is very nice normally and polite but when the subject of his .. wife rolls around he .. turns.

If I die and an forced to return to this Earth at some point them I pray it’s a far better world than this one?!


It never rains but it pours.

It would appear that I had previously gotten my wires crosses and I am going to have to remember to delete this from my Facebook feed too.

his is regarding the first biopsy results which I thought had been returned to the Doctor’s Surgery .. except I got a couple of tings wrong about that.

First off it turns out that .. they have not come back at all and only recently were the results back from testing to the clinic and that that they are not going to the GP surgery anyway.

It appear that .. she has not been discharged from the clinic .. which is what I had feared hearing in all this and .. they are going to ring her at some point.

I had been starting to wonder just how the results could say anything bad if the Doctor’s Surgery had not phoned u continuously to get her to come in and even forced to tell her on phone that the results were positive .. just to scare her into moving her backside so they can set something up for it .. like a surgical procedure for example. Now I know why they have not called .. because they do not know.

She was also told that there was a backlog on biopsy tests?!

How the hell can you have a backlog on biopsy tests?! Unless they are now prioritising the afflicted by those who have money and those who do not?

So a biopsy backlog, no discharge from the cancer clinic and they have been trying to call her and now will do today to arrange for her to go back to the clinic .. if either of us with our failing short term memory issues and bombarded by difficult children does not cause us to forget.

But she never gives her old phone I gave her a chance to charge. She did have a better phone but the children broke that, a Samsung Galaxy S6 I bought her so that she would always have a charge in case she needed to ring someone in an emergency because of her difficult children, two with autism and one needy-boy that likes to play with things that are not his and has a history of breaking things.

Except .. they broke that.

An iPod has been broken.

Two XBox One controllers, one I bought just two months ago, have been broken.

I doubt many of the Christmas presents we have striven to acquire will last much more than a week .. maybe a month if we are lucky?

There are no restrictions here .. the house is unsuitable and too many children have free access to too many of things they should not. Each others things. Food. Bath and toilet even, do not even get me started!

This is the first real family Christmas for me in over twenty years and it is shaping up to be the absolute worst Christmas I will ever endure for a whole long list of reasons!

There simply is no respite .. EVER.

I keep on praying that this third flu virus will finally be the last one I am afflicted with for a long while, that after some testing on my heart they jump start it or give me a pacemaker that will stop the chest symptoms and, praying, anxiety and that warmer Spring weather will brig about less misery?!

My daughter and her friend just returned from Birkenhead town centre where they said not only was it quiet considering it is Christmas but that the taxi driver stated that he had “had enough”. It is too quiet in Birkenhead now .. he is not making any money and he was going to leave for pastures new.

I was shocked at that .. they was shocked too.

Convinces me even more that .. this would not be the best pace in the world to remain whether the biopsy results were positive OR negative.

I must admit to dreaming a little when I set up the crowd funding. I imagined what it would be like if I was able to buy a house in the countryside in Cheshire that was not only suitable but more peaceful and in any other borough than that of The Wirral. It was not realistic but it was a nice thought. A brief glimpse of a possible peace. An ending that did not involve ending up in the tabloids or the news when it is far too late as always seems to be the case.

Not knowing can be really painful.

Not knowing abut a coupe of things can be .. distracting.

Not knowing about three test results, what the authorities will do to help the four children and two autistic ones .. the extra financial help, if the not quite suitable house will be helpful in some way (she changed her mind again and is moving now), the test results I face, why I am not getting my full Universal Credit and if that will ever change, whether I will get my PIPS back, how will I cope if anything untoward happens to my daughter. How can I cope with raising these four children .. will my car breakdown before any of this gets sorted out?

The list of stressful thoughts just goes on and on and on.

Will I ever get to a stage where this pace feels like home if I have to stay?

Will I ever get back to the photography I had planned to do to add to my blogs?

Will my blogs ever pay me an income in the future to help me survive? To help me cope?

Will the Work & Pensions Select Committee work and, if so, in time?

Will Frank Field MP do anything to help and, if so, in time?

Will the crowd funding campaigns work and, if so, in time?

Will the Patreon account ever work and, if so, in time?

On and on and on.


My God this turned up at the perfect time?!

I’m referring to a story run by the dreaded BBC about grandparents looking after their grandchildren and running to debts.

Grandparents have ended up looking after their grandchildren for various reasons and have even run up debts of £20,000 on occasions .. maybe a lot more in some cases? I dare say the reasons for grandparents caring for grandchildren are more varied than simply the one I spotted which was the parents were into drugs.

But the fact that grandparents stepped in when others would think that children would simply go into care shows me a fair amount of the state of the UK and it’s caring sector. Particularly the care of children but then I have been blogging about that for a very, very long time now.

I could have started my blog several years earlier regarding this subject alone but because .. another subject I was wrapped up in that was .. extremely sensitive .. precarious and potentially fatal for a lot of people I held off. I held off in case I let something slip, my short term memory issues, and it cost lives .. potentially a great many lives.

Funny then that I am paying for that now from the government, whose job I more or less did for them at the time. While also helping my daughter who was in and out of care. The stories I was hearing about the care for children sent a shiver down my spine that chilled me to my very core.

What in the hell is going on?

Maybe my tales .. no, horror tales have spread further than I thought and people do not trust the public services including the care of children?

Of course since then you have had all these cases people being accused of paedophilia in government, public services, Police, illegal immigrants and a few others besides. Maybe that or both my blog and these reports have scared the hell out of people?

I very nearly posted something this morning very early ..

I awoke feeling about the worst you could ever feel and still be alive .. with a combination of things that combined .. really had me think I would be found dead by my grandchildren.

My latest of three cases of the flu took another turn last night, after feeling somewhat better during the day as I had the day before. Everything seemed to be OK other than a bit of a cough last night, I even got petrified when a very, very old girlfriend suddenly hugged me. A decision she may end up regretting before very long, as I told my daughter this morning.

My head was spinning .. with a headache to kill that was only matched by the pain in my throat which was not good when I was in a state of coughing. It was .. horrendous. Then you throw in anxiety to a high level and my chest issues playing up, pounding palpitations and irregular heart beats.

All I could think of was phoning ‘111’ but that I would end up having an ambulance sent here .. but I had no way of locking the door, probably would not know my way back from any hospital around here as I do not know the area and .. I desperately need a bath or shower. I am going to have to have one here now .. because I cannot see me not winding up in hospital if this continues.

I am also out of pills .. here. I may have some back at my flat I have not been able to get back to because of the chaos, autism, Christmas, short term memory problems, other symptoms, other people’s symptoms, cancer scares and other unexpected things. Looking after one child to make getting others to school on time easier. Social Worker visits when they do arrive. Health visitor visits along with family support worker visits.

Trying to think about ringing up and doing a phone consultation but I do not have the paperwork here and have to try an remember to loo on their website.

If I have some nasty strain of the fu .. the NHS Trust here really, really, really do not want me passing this on to anyone. Especially anyone old.

I repeat once again I actually thought I was dying and I kind of wished it would just hurry up and bloody well do it!

In my case it is a little different but with neither of us getting help. I am not getting the help and support that I should be getting, not even close and not even that promised before I came up here. I, or you, do not even get explanations.

My daughter has the same condition as me .. two of four children autistic, one now showing ever more increasing periods of violence and anger. The other only limited to meltdowns but she is only a year behind the other so .. yeah .. we are petrified.

There is supposed to be a family dinner taking place .. in a few days and if I am like this .. I cannot go as my daughter’s grandmother will be there who herself is very old. She does not want to contract whatever it is that I have.

Oddly to other family members have turned up at my daughter;s mothers house and .. well .. word got out that I was now .. around. A Yorkshireman I have not seen in over twenty years and barely says anything anyway said out loud “What, MARTIN?!” Lol.

Unfortunately I was given tales of how his wife, my ex’s sister. started talking abut her getting rid of her dead beat, drunk and foul mouthed boyfriend and settling down with me. Even her own mother upon hearing one of her daughters state this to my ex said “She is right, you know?!”

Oh my dear God!

In all honesty this has .. probably exacerbated my anxiety and maybe even my chest issues? A lot of things have been said and done over the years, she is really not my type any longer and that may well be because I do not have a type? I have been on my own a very, very long time .. so much so that 99% of women I have ever spoken to have accused me of being a liar when I have told them. It is about 15 years, maybe a little less.

I have stated many, many times over the years how I have been alone a very, very long time. I have also explained that it has been difficult at times because of the loneliness.

I also explained a great many other things about myself over the years .. some of these I do not give much thought to but might mention? They can sometimes later turn out to .. be something or .. mean something.

For instance .. I have come close to dating but then bailed out for one reason or another before anything has happened and this has happened several times. Even with women much younger than myself and I can think of no less than four off the top of my head .. Maria, Christina, Lauren & Charlotte.

Well I recently published a new list of symptoms for Fibromyalgia which my own daughter discovered on an Australian website, of all places. There was a particular symptom on the list of 279 that caught my eye ..

‘Decreased Libido’!

Yeah .. they all missed that too .. just like they failed to mention that the chest pains, heart palpitations and irregular heart beating among other things are down to my Fibromyalgia, as well as warning me what to look for, they missed that too. They all knew I had lived on my own a very long time. I had constantly told them that I started to feel like I needed someone. To check in on me, help me to remember things that are important and keep on top of my pills. Probably other things too.

The BBC Report mentions a couple of charities and I am going to have to contact them, send the a report and give them this blog .. they are ..

  • Family Fund
  • Grandparents Plus
Be interesting to see what, if anything, they have to say about this particular situation or the fact that I have become so desperate that I have contacted the Work & Pensions Select Committee who did say they would use my case and Frank Field MP.

I saw this on the BBC and thought you should see it: Grandparents ‘run up debts’ to care for grandchildren –


I should have really done this weeks ago but .. with a new house and four children, two Autistic and one .. extremely disruptive, needy and wanting to be the centre of attention and screaming the place down and stamping is feet every time he is asked to go to bed .. it is bad.

The older one is nearing puberty too ..

So we think we, or rather they, are moving into a more, but not totally, suitable house.

The mother is tired all the time .. has sleep apnea, specific women’s problem I will not divulge, Fibromyalgia that causes a long list of problems which is a sleep depravation disorder at the end of the day.

She is tired all the time and always doing something while four children are always at her feet demanding things.

I think there is some pyschology going on here because needy-boy was and still thinks he is the centre of the universe, has no problem with a sister two years his junior going to bed two hours before him but flips out if he is asked to go to bed before a brother that is five years older than him.

I have tried to explain this over and over but it just does not compute.

So .. I have been thinking long and hard as well as mentioning to the mother about things that would make her life easier.

  • Fortunately there is a large kitchen, three times bigger than the current one so ..



  • WALL UNITS out of reach and with doors because ..

    • If they see stuff the house gets screamed down until they get it and it is all gone!

  • CHILD GATES on the stairs and living room doorway

  • LOCKS for doors and cupboards

  • Way better and bigger COOKER

  • CARPETS .. for Five Story House with 3 Bedrooms

    • TELEVISIONS for the Autistic Children a must

    • TELEVISION for needy-boy

    • Because they all end up in mums bed who then cannot sleep and then has to get all these children up, dressed and to school on time!

  • Much Larger FRIDGE FREEZER.. it empties not long after being filled

  • SOFA


  • STAIN RESISTANT CLOTHING for two with Autism

  • A bloody CAR

  • CHILD CAR SEATS that Autistic Children cannot get out of

  • That then means CAR INSURANCE

  • Overpriced CAR TAX

  • Two Autistic children really show you that familiarity breeds content

  • Play things for what will be a real garden

  • Garden needs work soo GARDENING STUFF

  • PLAY THINGS LIKE SLIDES for Autistic children for garden

  • Garden SHED


  • New GARDEN DOOR with windows so children can be watched (only if it is decided the house is suitable at a later date)

  • PAINT for every single ROOM! LOL!

  • BOOKS ON CHILDREN WITH AUTISM (As there are no libraries left and no bloody time to go there because there is no bloody help & support!)

  • Set Up two Crowd Funders to Help where my own help is merely time and small amounts of what is left of my savings ..

People knowledgeable on children with Autism might know about other things, which we would be grateful to hear about in the comments.




Many of these got sacrificed because I needed to help with my family and move 250 miles away to a strange place I do not know and everyone feels .. different. With my own disability and heart and chest issues.

  • New PC BUILD with as many CPU cores as possible (12 to 16 AMD Threadripper)

    • For 42 Mega Pixel photo-editing and 4K video editing

    • Can be used for gaming I upload to my YouTube Channel

    • Home Broadband (using mobile currently – NOT VIRGIN!)

    • (All above was sacrificed)

  • AMD RYZEN 6 CORE LAPTOP (Photo Editing – Video Editing on the Move)

  • Sony 100-400mm A-Mount zoom lens (was sacrificed)

  • A MONTH IN PEAK DISTRICT (might not happen)

  • A MONTH IN SCOTLAND (was sacrificed)

  • A MONTH IN WALES (might not happen)


  • Trip to China with Camera (was sacrificed)

  • Car checked over .. CV Joint replacement, Top Up Cooling Bottle Replacement (was sacrificed)

  • Camera Flash (was sacrificed)

  • Typhoon H Camera Drone or Mavic Pro for Wildlife Photography and Birds Eye View Videos (was sacrificed)

  • Celestron Reflector Telescope of 8 Inches for Astrophotography and YouTube Channel and Astronomy Blog

  • Though I would be over the moon to just get my savings up a little (would kill anxiety issues) the PC Build, the 100-400mm zoom lens and car given the once over!

  • Set Up my own Patreon Account so people could donate .. thanks to the evil UK government and their lies, tricks and cheats ..


If only it got moving by just a few pounds, the crowd funding that is, so that I would give this mother something to feel positive about and some feeling of hope?


There are various ends.

And there are various dreams of those ends.

These ends might not be what you may well be picturing in your heads right now, or maybe they are depending on how you searched to get to this page.

I have spoken many times about my disability of Fibromyalgia and the number of symptoms it causes. Man of these are unbearable and others potentially dangerous. New ones have appeared that I believe to be dangerous and have had me ask about having my feet amputated and replaced with mechanical ones.

Others make we want to die. Purely because they are both unbearable and .. simply not dealt with or ignored. Until now but they are still not understanding of the seriousness of the situation nor the backlash should something go wrong. Even more annoyingly the one that has me longing for death can be dealt with in any one of three ways. Two involve the correct prescriptions with an understanding that my short term memory problems are .. well, problematic and actually compound the problem.

Another one of those is the fact that I have been led down a garden path .. have enough money to set myself up doing what it is I love best presently and .. had the proverbial rug pulled from beneath me leaving me with an ever shrinking amount of savings and minus four items .. one 100-400mm lens, though professionals use the more expensive f2.8 300mm lens and f4 500mm lens. The first would be enough and it is a third of the price of the 300mm and sixth of the price of the 500mm. The second is a flash, yeah I did not even manage to get that. The third is a camera drone .. for cliff faces for sea birds and tree tops for things like Purple Emperor Butterflies I have wanted to film for a number of years now. These are challenges and I like challenges and being successful then you tend to be more successful with it. I also had to build a new PC to be able to edit the very high definition RAW file photographs and 4K video. You simply cannot do it with a budget built PC. I also wanted to have a go at making cages .. out of glass and wood to sell to people wanting to grow Orchids, something I am adept at. So I needed a couple of DeWalt items, a Festool Circular Saw and a worktable.

I have a dozen blogs and the camera would help most of them while the work tools would help both my Orchid blog and my YouTube channel.

Right here and ow there is another pause on all that and one I did not expect to go on anywhere near as long as it has.

So I was led down a garden path, got all my plans and purchases accepted week after week for three months or more and then as I did them they all got cancelled. So I was encouraged to spend the money and then was told the proverbial rug had been pulled around a week after the date I went self-employed.

I was tricked and I was lied to.

A shame then that they sent me emails all the way through and that I recorded every single NEA meeting and every single Job Coach meeting.

I should not be experiencing my anxiety. But I am. The day I received an email from that Work & Pensions Select Committee I was happier. I had also received my first Universal Credit payment too so that was another worry out of the way. But there are still many others and what is primary are the results to three tests, one due any time now and a breast scan that is any day now too. Tomorrow or Friday I believe. Then there is the stomach scan which is itself developing some very odd problems and pains. Many seem to be similar to ones I have had but not entirely sure on all of them. There was a pain being felt last night.

As stated previously and due to the problems with Autism there are four children and two afflicted with the aforementioned condition.

Last night there was a conversation in this house with the other of a single child out of three that has Autism and he is violent. Even the Police have been called to the house. The boy is eight.

Some questions that has been wondered about were asked and I remember someone stating that the children get worse and in all honesty .. it is fucking hard to imagine things getting harder. The older of our two with Autism is already a bloody nightmare and they tell us the youngest o going to be worse. It simply does not bear thinking about.

We were explaining that the older one goes into a meltdown now because she wants to sleep in mum’s bed every night. There is only one reason for this .. her room gets locked and this does not happen with her mum’s room, therefore she knows she can come swanning down the stairs several times and she does. Every night. She demands things like TV programs, TV’s in the bedroom and even when she try to briber her with going to bed in her own room, with sweets, and get those promises they are broken. Within ten minutes at times.

The other mother of an Autistic child said that they were indeed going to get worse when they get older and that her child does not even have a bed in his room because he always sleeps I his mother’s bed. He refused to go to school but there was some rumour that the authorities turned up t the house and marched him to school?

I constantly ask myself how this young mother is going to cope and if anything was to happen to her, which seems likely due to the way the Doctors and hospitals are all acting nervous and have called us in six times in a few weeks and and seems no sign of ending, how the fuck will I cope?!

I ask myself that if we get through these test result OK or with some successful operative procedure will my anxiety finally go? Or will I still have these feelings of absolute dread that I do not understand?

At least I know one substance to cut out that seems to magnify what they call ‘the night dreads’ and turn them up to 11. But it may well go up to ’11’ or higher all on its own?

So when you have had this sort of thing long enough you start to picture the various endings to it all and you hope that they come. In the end you do not care.

I am one that would not like to lose my mobility and I certainly would not like to lose my independence. I get too .. hyped up and I am already having feelings of missing getting out and about amongst nature with my camera stuff .. I long for it at times.

But the seriously dwindled state of my savings has made me somewhat nervous .. I case things go wrong and .. as I am not clear yet if I am getting even the proper and normal amount of Universal Credit I am even more wary of doing anything.

I just hope that by March, at least, something has worked out because the Spring, Summer and Autumn can be very productive times for me. I can be active in the Winter too and often used to be but due to hibernation .. there was always less opportunities. Except if and when it became picturesque and maybe with .. architecture.

Each time you go through ‘episodes’ it seems to go on forever and you start to think it will never end but it does. Eventually. When the authorities stop coming after you with a proverbial axe and holding hands out for funds that do not exist an any universe.

In the last week or two I have created four opportunities of this latest episode coming to an end .. for most things and for both of us.

  • My Patreon account to help me

  • GoFundMe to help these kids and mum .. due to confusion with them ..

  • JustGiving to help these kids and there mother

  • Contact from Work & Pensions Select Committee to possibly help all of us

For the time being I have to keep on suffering and am still trying to get things done but what with Christmas and all the Hospitals, Doctors, supposedly moving into a bare empty house, memory issues, pain, anxiety and this damned chest/heart thing and someone else’s stomach and now nausea thing, two autistic children .. one needy boy who is now copying the oldest Autistic and having a meltdown about sleeping in his mother’s bed too.

I told you that needy-boy was a problem?

Mother in pain .. decides to have a bath .. need-boy, NOT Autistic, has already been screaming as loud as he can ‘I DON’T .. WANT .. TO GO TO BED!’ for half an hour who then makes every excuse to come out of his room, get sent back and balling his eyes out for not getting his own way. Keeping the oldest Autistic one awake and encouraging her out of her mother’s room where she sreamed the place down when told she cannot sleep in their. Needy-boy, he is the one in the picture on the crowdfunding site, taken years ago and is even crying in that picture too when I knew he would be like this, is also winding up and fighting with the Autistic sister.

I heard the mother explode from the bathroom!

I could not go up and exert any authority because .. well she was in the bath! LOL.

Meltdown, meltdown, meltdown is all it is and they are even at school part to most of the day. One here now but not too bad on her own, the youngest.

They need to be separated and they absolutely need their on bedrooms .. seriously need their own bedrooms. Or things ill get far, far .. worse.

Oh but there is a new house that is more suitable. Yeah I did say MORE suitable. They still have to be paired up in bedrooms but they are bigger. One at one end and another at the other.

Yeah needy-boy with still end up winding everyone up including his brother who will go through puberty soon, meaning needy-boy gets black eyes a lot.

Yeah and the Devil’s Angel will still wake up three time a night .. wake up her little sister and the two of them will have meltdowns throughout the day and that is without needy-boy who goes around winding all three others up.

I do see mistakes, sure. But it is not my place to say. There is too much stress going on and not my place anyway.

But then I am in panic mode because I think I might be suddenly thrust into this and it is all my sole responsibility?!

EDIT: The the discovery of and of course lack of being informed, despite the inordinate amount of waiting for them because they are so important and know so much, of GPs, Doctors and Specialists failing to tell me that  my now damaged eyesight, heart and blood pressure could be affected by Fibromyalgia because they refused to send me to a specialist and even when I tricked the into doing so .. only saw me once.

Didn’t tell me it as behind the anxiety or that this could lead to the loss of the use of your legs on occasion?! Or that there are links to both high suicides, oh how I now get that as well as cancer and likely other things, like aneurysms which is what my father died of at 56.

Good God, man. Someone shoot me please! I would be far more humane.

Needy-boy when he was first needy several years ago

Oldest from several years ago ..

Grandson again ..