A FEW DAYS (Part 3)

Oh dear .. outside for a cigarette and I go dizzy again and it was actually slightly worse than the first day and this is now getting a little .. weird. I have no idea why this is happening.

I have tried to eat more the last few days thinking it was that but .. does not seem to make much difference.

Also my memory problem has kind of been striking again because near here there is a spot that I have used for years that I discovered a couple of months ago has couple of rare plants .. one of which I have grown and have on my YouTube channel and .. probably photos of. Well the same family but a different species. In fact I could not believe they were supposed to be found where they are and so close to London in Epping Forest?!

Well the location is about two miles from here and there is a bus. Unfortunately this is up yet another hill that is even bigger than the on coming from the other direction.

So I am thinking a bus and yet .. I am a little apprehensive because of the dizziness and weakness that I seem to keep feeling in the mornings.

There are a lot of subjects at the site that is for sure .. though I am not sure with this drought what condition they are all going to be in?

I also have my doubts I will actually find the very plant I am going there for. But I simply have to go and look around and if I find it and photograph it this would be very cool.


I did not make it and I was put off by the hill which is long, quite an incline and on a very busy and dangerous road. I tried to find maps to a bridle path that went that way but I could not find one.

In the end I bailed and in all honesty and due to the drought it probably would have been a waste of time anyway.

So I went somewhere more local but I really did not feel like going out. However I had run out of tobacco, something I seriously need to quit .. again. I also needed lemonade to make shandies with and so as the shop was at the bottom of hill I went to an area not far from there. A place called Gunpowder Mills.

I did not find a building I wanted to photograph but I did end up seeing several things, I did not get photos of, and several other things I did get photos of!

But I was having extreme difficulties and I felt way too hot. It must have been humid today as I suffer really badly and the humidity does not even have to be that high. I have heard tales of countries that are hot and 90% humidity? Yeah .. thanks but no. I could no go there as I would die and even if I did not I would not be able to do jack shit!

Still I got a few flowers .. several butterfly species and one might be a Brown Argus .. ooh I need to look that up.

Yup. Brown Argus.

At one point I walked up to a bend trying to spot a butterfly at rest and a fox was walking towards me but had not seen me. It got within around 7 or 8 feet when it suddenly noticed me, paused for a second then ran into the long grass. A few seconds later a second one did he came except this one noticed me a little sooner. Odd.

Had difficulty getting back and once again I could not get up the damned hill. Managed to lose a bottle of lemonade as it fell through the bottom of a plastic bag, rolled into the road and was about to roll under a truck when I stopped it with my foot. Great!

I have been stung by stinging nettles quite badly .. again so my legs or tingling but before even this happened my lower legs started feeling sore. At one point I actually looked down to see some marks on my legs .. not sure what they are. Scratches or maybe a series of bad bites and judging from the size could be a Horsefly or Clegg? Jesus if it is the latter and I have more than one bite? Just a single bite can cause your leg to swell up and if I have several? Dreading that!

So it is my last day here .. but at least I made it productive.

In a way I wish I had more days but in all honesty I would need to bite the bullet and try and get on a bus. It is not the buses being packed that is the issue .. it is the buses being few and far between and old. Not a problem normally but it is .. hot. Unfortunately buses become unbearable for me as I will just soak through within minutes while watching others frantically fanning themselves without a bead of sweat in sight.

Coming up the hill there was a lady in her late fifties coming down the hill, bearing in mind she is coming .. down .. hill?! She looked as if she was struggling and she looked at me and said ‘unbearable isn’t it?’ I said ‘yes’ while thinking, my word you have no idea! Of course I had a bad headache again which I always seem to get when the heat gets too much.

Bearing in mind we are talking about very local trips for a couple of hours outside and it becomes unbearable. Had I had tomorrow too I might have not gone out at all today in the hope tht I would recuperate and get further? Would have helped had I had my own bike but some hills will still be too much. That they also happen to be on dangerous stretches of roads and come to think of it .. I do not ever recall seeing cyclists use them and I have known these roads all my life.

I did not use the 85mm lens in the end.

They have returned late and I have stayed another night and am being taken home at some point this morning.

For the fourth morning in a row now I have felt nauseous. Really not sure what in the hell is going on there. Not sure why I have not noticed anything previously. Maybe it is because I normally do not leave the house for thirty minutes or so? Maybe because here the first thing I do is go outside and therefore on my feet that I notice it? Where I am the room is so small that standing up is not an option unless I am using the lavatory. Have no recollection of ever feeling nauseous doing that!

I am just thankful that this did not dog me during the day while I was here and out on the bike and wondered if it would have done had a I try to get anywhere on foot? I had planned to try but with each morning experiencing that I ended up using my nephews bike.

It is hard enough what with everything else I have to work through and then there was the intense sunlight and heat too.

Now I am just looking forward to working with the first lot of photos at some point later on this afternoon or evening and getting them up.

I had hoped that I would have gotten a reply from one of .. five people or organisations while I was here? But, no.

I have also just remembered that there were two emails I was supposed to read and respond to, one being from Healthwatch and one from NHS England?! Yeah .. this damn memory problem is really a thing and when no one is doing anything to help and your trying to keep on helping yourself .. things get forgotten very easily.

In fact I am thoroughly cheesed off with trying to get someone to help with each one reactcing and responding like your a fully functioning human being and coming out with some crap as to why they cannot help.

Father and daughter with serious issues and neither one of us has had one bloody bit of help for over a year now. Quite the opposite, in fact. We have had things taken away from us and I fear they are not done with us just yet.

My daughter was supposed to have an operation yesterday that she did not have, as her only help is more of a hindrance from an evil, selfish and inconsiderate thief and liar of a mother. I only discovered this yesterday evening.

I also looked into her Trigeminal Neuralgia and I cannot believe what I read about that and not sure how I did not come across this before? Well ..

It is one of the most painful conditions known to man?! So up there with CPRS?! Never read that before now and wondering why I have not or why it is not on any of the McGill Pain Index charts? I know it certainly sounds bad the way she describes it,

So now along with the cervical cancer, hypomagnesemia, vitamin B-12 deficiency, ‘S’ Protein Deficiency and Fibromyalgia she has this on top of all that?!

While having her rent refused, threatening letters to leave the council property (yup council), being threatened to be taken to court by the social services for something preposterous (seems to be a new and nationwide thing now) and ignored deliberately so by the NHS as I have been for over thirteen years now.

Onwards and sideways.


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