THE N.H. MESS

Well I touched upon the N.H.S with the last post and this one going a bit further with them and they are now the focus of this post.

So Jeremy Hunt, another without his own mind .. I am sure they are a hive mind in the Conservative Party, was planning to set up these health group .. things, called ACOs or something?

But a bunch of people, Stephen Hawking included, decided that these were so plan to stealthily privatise the N.H.S at a later date by encouraging private companies to bid for the ability to provide services.

I did not look into deeply but then they decided to take Jeremy Hunt and NHS England to court so would I really need to?! It is Stephen, bloody, Hawking for the love of God?!

So we have the Tory government’s current state of a complete mess that is the DWP not only listed as inadequate, by their own admission recently too, and referred to as a ‘Human Catastrophe’ by the EU?!

A shame that the EU did not step into the frame earlier? Maybe the vote might have gone differently? Oh well.

Now you have the NHS which has endured many shocking revelations in the media and its worst yet to come now being taken to court?!

If that is a not a mess that is only destined to get worse then I am afraid that I simply do not know what could be listed as a mess?

My last of my three main targets have not escaped of late either and there have been several reports regarding local councils getting up to shady things too.

This is not only a damned script that seems to be going to keep on writing itself throughout the entirety of 2018 after the last few revelations but I know of several confirmed inbound revelations too that themselves will play out between this coming month, tomorrow, of February and will continue to do so into next year of 2019.

I have stated previously that I would not like to be Theresa May right now and for that matter, no one anywhere near her, but .. yeah there was a reason and in all honesty I would not want to be Theresa May throughout the rest of 2018 and throughout 2019.

I feel pretty confident right now that this will be something talked about in the history books of the future.

Well I think it is safe to say that around a year from now we can start saving some real taxpayers money and start to wave bye-bye to the real vampires of British Society that take a lot of money while doing very little and they intend to do very little too..

..

OMBUDSMAN!!

I saw this on the BBC and thought you should see it: NHS plans: Privatisation or progress? – http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-42873285

Advertisement

NEWTON’S LAWS

Well, well, well.

I was going to type out a post regarding a Tory MP, Sarah Newton I believe her name was, and her statements about reports of people dying due to the welfare cuts was lies and scaremongering.

I was wondering if she would become besieged with emails?

I was wondering whether anyone would mention Calum’s List to her and the fact that the website was shut down as opposed to being ridiculed for being wrong on the TV News programmes or national tabloids. Or in the House of Commons or some committee? No they just quietly shut it down while no one was looking.

I was wondering if she would become besieged with tweets on Twitter?

The Facebook page for DPAC had disabled people going wild over her claims. Christ, even I liked the report but submitted I was angry about it.

There was a name that sprang to mind when I read it .. a friend of a friend. One that tends to like her feelings being known and renowned fit this, according to Gail.

Well blow me down if I don’t go and spot a new report via Flipboard and the Tory MP on question gets heckled by a couple of protesters.

I’m now up after being blown down and you can blow me down again if I don’t go and spot the name, Paula Peters in the report?!

Hmm wondering if it was Laurel now instead of Gail that informed me of this warrior woman? I think maybe it was both which was why she had always stuck in my mind?

Yeah .. without looking I’ve not gone and published several posts about people dying on benefits because of the cuts. Two mothers and a man found dead in front of his house. The latter not being deemed important or close enough to life-threatening to warrant an ambulance being sent?!

Yeah .. one .. poor, poor man killed by both the DWP and the NHS in one fell swoop. But no one is dying because of either of those public services that don’t do much when it comes to .. well .. services. One man’s death reflecting badly in two public services. That’s without even SEARCHING?!

Jesus Christ, man! So these idiot Tories even know what the Internet is?!

Do they even know what smartphones are and what they are capable of?

Have they any fucking idea what social media is?!

Or do they think they can just throw the words ‘fake news’ about and everyone starts disbelieving what others tell them online? Yeah .. that’s never going to work in anyone’s reality! But then these Tories have a very funny, bit too mention warped, idea of what reality is.

Good luck Ms Newton .. your going to need it, very much so, moving forward.

You have the right to any opinion you like .. that’s your right. But this does not make you right. You bloody idiots. I thought these people were supposed to be intelligent?!

LMAO!!

http://flip.it/OcfZZm

PIPPED AT THE POST

I never thought I would see the day?!

I’d been hearing that something was supposed to change with PIP, or Personal Independent Payments. I was told something on the phone earlier today. I decided to look to see if there was anything reported by the BBC via their app and there is.

“The government was wrong to cut PIP benefits in the first place, wrong to bring in the PIP regulations last year and it was wrong to repeatedly ignore the views of the courts”

That was a quote I agreed with but I never thought I would see quoted and especially after the government, or at least someone, admitted they were wrong.

But what bought about this sudden change?

Have they saved enough money and decided to ease off the brakes?

Have they realised that it’s not actually helping their cause?

Have they realised that they are not going to look good to anyone offer this and in fact look bad?

Have they realised that the history books of the future will reflect badly in them?

Have they realised that with the Internet in everyone’s pocket now they can’t hide what they truly are?

Did they read any of the above on this blog and shit their pants? Hard? Boom!! Lol.

I don’t know what the truth is but I’m just relieved to hear this news. I’m pleased for so many people that are suffering, have been suffering but which might now come to an end?

I also can’t help wondering if this is why both myself and my solicitor heard from the HMCTS out of the blue? This seems to suggest that I am likely to get my own PIP back but I’ll believe it when I see it and .. it’s a bit too late to prevent a whole load of damage done to me and others around me.

However .. this might be repairable. As and when the previous decision is reversed and I am paid.

It’s a little .. annoying right now but I’ve got it in hand .. to a degree ..

I’ve got three possibilities right now .. well, no actually it’s four possibilities.

As I’m constantly .. well around a third of my time thinking about someone, another third of the time thinking about someone else and the last third .. keeping busy, doing jobs, cycling too far and .. collapsing because of greying and blacking out. Good job this room is bloody narrow!

I was spotted going .. so to speak and I didn’t realise until I heard someone say “What was that?” and it took a few seconds for me to wonder if they were talking to me. I turned around and they were indeed looking at me. I said “nothing”. They then assumed it was the stuff on my room. I said “It’s not that .. don’t worry about it” but they don’t worry anyway.

Someone else spotted .. something else and asked what it was and I replied “it’s nothing, don’t worry about it”.

These people are not used to me .. not revealing things when asked. Not used to me not informing them of things either.

It seems no one had paid much attention in the last five years?! Lol.

Didn’t expect things to get a bad as they did, in all honesty. But then I didn’t expect the government and public services to do what they are doing to their very own people. Well they were already treating their own people badly and have been for a number of years. But not to the depths that they have the last year or two.

Hopefully this news report now signals that this is coming to an end and things will turn around for a lot of people? Hoping this occurs due a few I know as well as myself?

It’s going to be an interesting couple of months, that is for certain.

A few weeks to a month for three things I have going on to pan out OK. One of these I’ve tried to pull off for five years now. No. Two of these I’ve tried to pull off for five years. One took a little longer than I thought. Another took a lot longer than I thought. The other .. has had a delay of a couple of weeks. But two have the potential to be productive in a few days to a couple of weeks. The other two have the potential to be productive in a couple of weeks to a couple of months.

In the meantime I have to sort out two things .. I’m holding off for one .. which I may be able to do in person .. and get done quicker, my passport. The other can be done later on .. maybe not even here?!

For now I only need one to get by and get things .. done.

Oh boy .. just one thing becoming productive would have me racing off with a smile.

Ooh boy .. two things would have me leaping with joy.

Oooh boy .. three things would have me pass out from shock.

Oooooh boy .. four things? Shit .. I only have my own blood pressure monitor .. I need my own defibrillator?!

We are talking one month here. Not two or three years as before for one single plan, no-no-no. I say again, just one month. At the outside. By then some things should be done and the others should have set dates or would be obvious what was going, or indeed ‘not going’, to happen. One month .. or less.

I keep imagining giving out that bloody big sigh of relief. That slowly escaping breath you get from some big relief, knowing that what had stressed you out for so long is finally over. For good.

Ooh boy.

PIP from my POSTS?! LMAO!

I saw this on the BBC and thought you should see it: Personal Independence payments: All 1.6 million claims to be reviewed – http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-42862904

A NICER MAN

This .. I simply don’t believe!

Nick Knowles, TV presenter, has been accused of cruelty by his wife who claims to have photographic evidence?

At least that is what is being reported by the Daily Mail.

His name is one that turns stomachs among my family members. Even one brother refused to read the headline and said “I don’t want to know about anything to do with him” but then said “Oh!” when I informed him about the accusations.

Oh-oh-oh I must share that story with friends and family members?!

Right, done that.

To my surprise Jessica, Knowles’s soon to be ex-wife, has trouble paying for legal fees to fight him.

That is a shock to me I have to admit. He has been accused of refusing to pay for the the private schooling of his own son. He had also been accused or refusing to provide a home.

There seem to be other things in the accusations to.

This is really strange. It would appear that I am going into a period where everyone that has done anything bad to my family, possibly me too, is going to pay in ways that they cannot even begin to imagine?! Lol, I still have some waiting to do but .. it certainly appears that way to me and for the next month it is going to be .. no, seem very bizarre to me. It has been a long time coming, that is for certain.

They, the BBC, and Nick Knowles embarrassed my father on TV, though they later realised their mistake, and he was dead within a year of that. Five hundred (yeah, 500) people at his funeral all blamed the BBC for his death. It certainly did not help.

In the meantime .. I have to wonder why I have not been contacted on Facebook? Yeah .. Facebook has become a possible line of communication. Did not expect that and did not think it was. Yeah .. I did check actually. Lol.

Maybe things are not how they have been .. portrayed? Lol, that would be somewhat sad and .. cause something of a heart breakage. I cannot recall the last time I felt like that .. or like this, for that matter.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-5322357/Nick-Knowles-estranged-wife-Jessica-hits-denial.html

THE REARS WITH THE LOW IQ

I’ve been hearing and seeing this story for weeks now.

A whole bunch of rape cases falling apart at the seams!

A whole bunch of upcoming cases are now going to be looked at and a Judge has .. demanded something .. maybe a meeting with the Crown Prosecution Service? Damn short term memory loss!

So the Police and/or CPS have screwed up a load of rape cases and I’m wondering what else they have screwed up?!

Well .. I can tell you now I’ve been indirectly involved in two cases, one domestic violence case and one involving what started out as attempted murder but became a full on murder case three days or so later when the victim died in hospital.

They screwed up one of those cases which the court hearing has now been placed in the public domain.

I don’t know if they screwed up the other but .. they certainly made a calamitous error .. that was nothing short of astounding.

It’s not quite over for the Police as .. they .. very recently lied about a cases evidence. They also got it very wrong just like these rape cases.

The British Justice system is not going to look good either.

We were told that two things were going to come from the case .. one didn’t even come close and the other .. doesn’t appear to be the case.

That’s about as far as I go on ride details other than to say that the is more to it .. a catalogue of stuff to be honest.

I’ve been talking to someone here in London I’ve not really spoken to much in the last few years. I have been surprised to hear what he now says about this country. It more or less mirrors what most other British people say, even those I’ve spoken to that are 250 miles apart with very different accents ..

This country is finished.

I don’t like to think like that nor be that negative or resigned.

In fact I’ve been a little more positive about things than I have in a long, long time. Some of that is down to getting in top of some of my mistakes which I am whittling down now to the last few. But I have to confess that some of it is down to a certain person. Not without a little suffering, I might add.

But .. sometimes .. once in awhile .. revelations can come with a few .. perks. This might be, or it looks to be, the case very soon. Possibly?

Think of it like reversing back to where you started. Possibilities exist that could end up being even better than how it was at the beginning. For any beginnings that took place within the last year of 2017.

I could very well be visiting those places I wanted to visit so very much with my camera gear?!

The Peak District, Scotland and Snowdonia could well be visited before very long?!

Time will tell but most of all I hope to close the mouths to some very negative people back here in London. Ooh it would be great just to be able to do that. This alone would put a smile on my face. Seeing a particular someone too would likely have a certain part of me .. melt!

This time there is no lengthy wait that goes on for a couple of years.

This time it will be obvious what is going to happen within a week or two and .. the perks and shutting people up once and for all in two to four weeks?

Fingers bloody well crossed!

I saw this on the BBC and thought you should see it: All current rape cases to be ‘urgently’ reviewed over disclosure fears – http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-42841346

THE PIED PIPER & THE RATS

Well what do you know?

It would appear there has been a BBC report that exposed the NHS providing mishearing figures on A&E performance which was suggested by a regulator.

Yet another organisation I’ve never heard of no doubt funded by the public’s purse, NHS Improvement were reported to have suggested to the NHS Trusts to pull in and combine figures from minor injury centres.

Yeah so there you go .. again. For the umpteenth time the NHS has been found to be lying. That’s an ever growing number of times along with the ever growing number of times they have been accused of covering up something.

Quite busts bizarre is the fact they it never occurred to NHS bosses and Trusts failed to realise the very likely snowball effect that goes hand in hand to being found out.

The more revelations rise to the surface the kite people discover the truth. Each discover of the truth has the potential to be someone with suspicions of their own that then end to investigating or go on some .. vendetta?

I saw this on the BBC and thought you should see it: How accurate is hospital A&E data? – http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-42836931

THE MANY ANSWERS

Well I have been at it a little more in the last few days.

There are several things to sort out still but I am getting there. I have managed to do several things in the last few days. So this week it has been solicitor, bike, blog, DWP and a little sorting out of my storage facility.

So four things in a week and a little re-arranging. Not all re-arranging required but somewhere close to half of it.

There are other things that have occurred but am not going to go into them at this time .. due to safety reasons and a few other things.

I still .. think about someone and I do not think that will ever stop .. but there may be an answer to that one. A light at the end of the tunnel, if you prefer?

I cycled ten miles yesterday and two things became obvious .. I was not going to make it and .. cycling is what causes the stinging and aching in the area of my inguinal hernia repair. I had always strongly suspected it but .. after not having been bothered by it for many months, five maybe, it was back yesterday.

I did get back in the end, with some walking along to let my legs rest, but I kept collapsing after I got back as my left knee was striking with pain every now and then trying to crouch down. Odd as there is a physical issue with my right knee, as spotted by two NHS Orthopaedic surgeons that was later omitted from any report. No, this was my left knee in pain.

Of my tasks .. there is one I need t do myself and one someone else is supposed to do for me and another I need help and a van for.

The one I can do myself .. will take time once it is done. But I will need to do it and so it is something I will do very soon.

As for the journey yesterday .. I forgot that when I did it there were puddles everywhere and I had originally intended to wait a few more days for them to dry out. The weather app on my phone stated that it was supposed to remain dry from Thursday, 25^th January, to Monday 29^th January. Except today it states something completely different. Tomorrow it is supposed to be raining?!

The other thing I forgot about the journey is that as soon as I got down to the river path a wind was blowing straight at me. This got stronger and I had several periods were it blew fairly hard and one where it stopped me altogether. That was despite the fact that I had been in a very low gear and on my smallest chain ring. I never ride in the smallest chain ring and nor do I use such a low gear either but that is what I did for the entire journey.

Not heard anything about the car .. which is becoming a trifle .. worrying. Everything else could have been sorted with that and I thought that at least by now I would have heard of a couple of people enquiring.

Has me doubting it has even been advertised which considering I have been back here awhile now and got many other things done .. is somewhat confusing.

I have also managed to work out that when my anxiety dissipates the heart palpitations start to occur and when the anxiety is back the palpitations seem to bugger off on their holidays?!

You just cannot win with some things.

Next week is going to be somewhat .. interesting and the four weeks that follow on from that as there are some things in the pipeline that might just work out. It might become obvious as soon as next week? Time will tell. This will be pretty good .. all around for a whole number of things. It could mean some more major changes but we will wait and see. Been in this situation before on here and if there is one thing I have learned in the past three years or so .. nothing quite works out how you think it will. So I am just going to let it play out.

I wish I could say more because I could get a particular someone quite excited and pleased but I cannot nor will I. I also could get into trouble legally for saying anything and very likely would at this stage. If a particular thing happens next week then that changes everything so .. if your reading this .. yes, you, then just hold out a bit longer.

I have made some pretty big mistakes the last few months and I think now I may be able to rectify all of these mistakes. It certainly looks and sounds good right now. There will be some major repercussions that I have personally been waiting for, for a long, long time.

Trust me on this when I say that I cannot wait for this and it is kind of imminent.

There will be some panic stricken knee jerk reactions but that has already been prepared for and let us say for now that there will be some .. FOCUS .. on a great deal of things.

In fact this has already kinda started and is in the public domain but .. it is only just beginning and I kind of knew what would be coming next. I had to explain this to others that got something of a shock. I then reminded them by saying “If you recall .. I Did state this the other day?!” to which they then remembered exactly what I had said a few days beforehand.

From this .. a great many things are possible and despite the fact that they might not all unfold as as already been explained .. many will.

In fact let us just say there is some .. investment in this.

I have kept this quiet because of certain parties finding out about it but some have now realised and .. there have been odd phone-calls, phone conversations, refusals to requests that were outright lies and I am expecting at least one more from one single source.

You could say that there are cracks in three of the four walls and I would be over the moon with any single one of them but .. to get all three?! Then add another to the usual three?!

Trying to not be excited by all this is somewhat .. bloody difficult.

But I keep saying to myself that let us just wait and see how it plays out. It will certainly play out, that is for sure but it is difficult to know who to trust right now.

Someone was going to be told but then later it was decided that they would not .. things certainly do whizz around at times. It is hard to know what to do and who to talk to.

I know who it is I want to talk to.

Not anyone around here that is for certain.

I am excited but that is because I am also kind of sad. I have been sad for awhile now and if it is not anxiety it is worry and when it is not worry it is sadness. Though I do not really show it. Nor do I talk about it either. Well there is only one person I would like to speak to and that feeling I have had for awhile now.

There are those that said I should have taken my chance at the time and now say I should have taken my chance while I still had it. But I did not want to do this in the .. mood I was in. Though knowing me I could have likely pulled it off .. maybe?

So I am excited because I may be able to end the sadness along with everything else? I may already be on the road to actually doing this already? But .. imminent events can put the proverbial tin hat on that in a single heartbeat.

Still .. something might slip out I the meantime? It might tonight, for all I know?

Sometimes distance gives you some perspective and .. sometimes that distance also might mean that you have burned all or just some of your bridges. As it has been turning out I have not .. but there remains one bridge that needs to be built and .. it is a pretty big bridge! But then the imminent thing is a pretty big thing and I have already made strides in correcting my previous mistakes and those things I forgot or was not aware of. Big strides.

Google, the DWP, the car and a whole swathe of other things .. darn it?! Just remembered I might need to get a temporary GP?!

That white woolly hat.

I have actually had one or two ask me if I have a picture. I do not, sadly. I have also been asked to look for someone on Facebook but as I told them, that would be too weird and besides that I simply would not know where to look. I do not have all that I would need to preform any search anyway.

Yesterday pain and worry actually stopped me from thinking about that which I normally do .. which was a first. I was worried .. about something .. in fact I felt guilty when I realised I had not thought about it because of pain, tiredness and muddy paths combined with strong winds. In fact a couple of people did not think I would make it and even noticed it was windy and thought I would .. conk out, so to speak. Well I kinda did .. but I did not care as it was preventing me from thinking about too many things.

Paying today though and though I am surprised I can actually walk after that ten mile ride .. I know my legs are buggered. Still .. at least I am not getting the knee pain today I was yesterday that had me collapsing against the walls and nearly falling down the stairs several times!

I was tempted to get out on my mountain bike but thought I had better not push my legs and knees .. oh not forgetting my groin, too far. Inguinal Hernia repair .. stings a bit if I overdo it with the cycling.

Still cannot believe I have felt like I do as .. well .. it .. umm .. was so long ago last time I simply cannot recall and I might never have felt like this before?

Funny when I think about it .. love, revenge and a few other things might be just around the corner?

GOOGLE GO & GET BACK

When I started this blog the one thing I realised early on is that Google do not respond to you until you have started to receive money from them, or after your first ever payment.

I found this aloof God-complex like attitude to be somewhat annoyingly rude. Combined millions of people, tens of millions of people and maybe hundreds of millions of people were all making Google money. But they remained aloof, quiet and .. quite unapproachable.

As I reported recently I noticed to my very dear cost that in a year where I was very busy and had my short term memory problems, do not forget, that my first payment threshold simply remained tantalisingly out of reach.

One night about a month ago I noticed that my adverts were missing. I then realised that they must have been missing for a whole year or more?! This would explain why the threshold was never reached!

So I used the feedback utility on Google’s Adsense screen to point out my missing ads and ask as to why as they did not even have the courtesy to tell me they had done it nor the reasons as to why.

As I stated .. they never get back to you ..

.. they got back to me!

As it turns out they had indeed been removing my adverts and this made me really angry as this failure to pay contributed to problems of late that cost me dearly.

It also turns out that they linked a post .. wait, let me check .. right a post from the 29th December 2016! So yeah .. over a year now!

They stated there might be others!

It also turns out that this was for one of two reasons ..

A particular scandal to do with pizzas and very short garden doors that I gave my views about at the time, which I had wondered might get me into trouble as it had others, or .. when I checked the labels, or tags, might have been a typo over something as simple as a COMMA in the wrong place?! I kid you not!

Anyway .. I decided not to delete the ten posts or so that contained this subject and instead corrected the comma and the *****gate word from the labels/tags.

I clicked on the button to state that the matter had been resolved and then went to place a test advert on this blog .. but it still was not coming up.

So I do not know currently if .. this is something that simply takes twenty four hours or I am banned for some unknown period of time?

I sent them another feedback message, complained about them being vague, said if it was to do with mention in the main body of the blog that they need to bloody well provide a search word function for this and said I hope it was not over the comma typo and that I only ever give me views over stories reported by others.

I also mentioned that I do indeed have a solicitor handling something else and that they had better get back to me as I would hate to have to converse with her over this .. all because they were too aloof and lazy to send me an email notification!

The fact that they responded seems to tell me a few things too ..

It would appear that in the year since they removed the ads and very possibly because of a post I did recently that has raced above 2,000 viewers in just a few weeks that the checked and suddenly deemed me noteworthy enough and popular enough to answer my queries despite having not received anything from them in the way of money?

Interesting .. annoying but at the same time .. interesting.

ONCE MORE THE MERRY-GO-ROUND

I received a message tonight about a report of an NHS cover up.

When I asked further about it they days it was something to do with epilepsy.

I then realised I had seen something about this story on the news. Though I didn’t catch it all and had to go out.

Oh if it turned out to be a cover up I would be happy about that beyond belief. Because I’ve known for awhile now that there are some bad things going on within the NHS and it doesn’t appear to change when you have moved 250 miles north .. west.

I’ll have to check that out further.

On the exact same day there is another BBC report about children’s health being affected adversely in England. Yeah I’ve seen that first hand.

Child services was referred to as ‘disjointed’ due to public health cuts was stated.

The government stated that “world-leading plans” for child health were in place.

Yeah right. Where?

I was astonished at the absolute lack altogether of help. Save one hamper of food that was provided to the council by charities anyway .. so not from the social workers at all. Not really so technically there was no help. When asked they said ‘ask the community’ in a roundabout way. I say this showed their naivety to what is happening in the real world outside there offices. Everyone is struggling everywhere and especially where I was.

I think 2018 will have more revelations regarding the public services than any other year previous to it.

As for my Aussie flu .. for a couple of days I actually thought it had gone. For the past twenty four hours I’ve had a slightly sore throat. Like the one you get that almost feels like the sore part is a lump.

In the meantime I wonder if the NHS will outdo itself further?

Sometimes it becomes obvious that you cannot go upwards, or improve, unless you hot the very bottom first. This has been obvious to me for awhile as merely trying to inform people who are mostly naive is simply not enough. Of course trying to inform people who are merely all amoral in reality, if not outwardly, wont work either.

So I often look or wait for signs that each public service has a news report on them to say they have hit rock bottom. This means a widespread habit of lies and cover-ups.

Yes as it turns out it is that report about the Epilepsy drug Sodium Valproate ad has caused disabilities in babies that Norman Lamb MP is referring to as a “scandal”.

How many more times do we need to go around the various merry-go-rounds?

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/epileptic-mothers-to-sue-nhs-over-defects-9269168.html?amp

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-42717083

There are, of course, lots of other claims of cover-ups ..

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-4459082/Huge-overdose-kills-baby-hospital-jab-blunder.html

THE DECISIONS THAT BREAK US

Ooh boy.

Do I feel like a right idiot.

I have been discovering that I got played just prior to making a very big move where I exchanged one living hell for another.

The difference is that one hell was kind of brought about because of my memory problems and not used to being around children at all. Especially very active children. Plus autistic ones, only having a friend with an autistic son and I really did not see him that much.

I was lied to.

I should have known better.

But in running like I did, which I kind of had to do anyway, I ran way from .. possibilities. Good possibilities.

What I have now is not a situation, OK well I kinda do to an extent, but .. someone who could drive me over the edge. In fact I had to warn them about this and they said “well your just going to have to learn to deal with it” which means in a round about way I will have to .. let them go on about things that mean nothing.

What happens is they do not like hearing anything new .. but instead when you try to talk about anything new use it as an excuse to interrupt to talk about themselves, something from many years ago that you have heard fifty to a hundred times and no exaggeration and .. not even remotely related to the story you was telling which is new and unheard. When you point this out they insist that it is and to allow them the chance to complain about themselves for the next hour or two they then try to say that you wont know until they have finished. There have been countless times where I have waited for an hour or two and I have then said “well you have finished and it is still not related!” Bearing in mind it is always something you have heard so many times before you could recite it backwards while blindfolded.

Absolutely everyone knows that they do it and no one knows why they do because no one knows anyone else nor have ever met anyone else that does this.

Oh and you can be interrupted several times, it is never as few as just once.

Now when your simply trying to tell them something new and had a bloody crap memory and know you will forget what you said .. it is even more frustrating.

The fact that they know this and still do it anyway .. makes it even more frustrating.

When your life is up in the air .. been stuck 250 miles away from home and the woman in the local shop ignores you when you say hello .. and only get a response when you giver her a direct question .. like “Did you give me that £10 mobile phone credit when I was in here yesterday?” did you get a response. Well if you were from out of town that is and it was obvious.

Oddly they all watch Eastenders up there so you would think the responses would be positive 100% of the time? Some are good .. most are average .. some are not so good. But that really did not bother me that much. Until my anxiety was off about other things and then everything bothers you.

But this was ratcheted up quite deliberately and the fact that the reason I was there already ended up in the Liverpool Echo did not seem to deter her. The fact that situation was that bad that it was front page .. I think it was, and that I was helping the people that were involved in the story and that this liar was related to them, yeah that did not deter her either.

But let us say the following ..

I had a coat here. It was a North Face coat and I thought it was mine. Except a few days ago when I put it on .. it rode up my arms and I thought “What? What is wrong with this coat .. oh!”.

It belonged to a ten year old boy. He was upset about losing it and I had been to a property just prior to coming back because it was missing and they thought it had been left in the old property. It had not and that was the day I was played like a bitch.

So it had been thought lost for several days when I received a text asking if I had bought it back to London by mistake. I said that it had and that I would post it that day.

Well .. it was posted guaranteed delivery and it arrived today only .. when the boy saw it he was a bit confused .. “But Nan said you sold it for ciggies?!”

Yeah .. I got played like a bitch .. but I told the whole story .. a story I held back with because someone was so low that I did not want to make things any worse by explaining it all. Even when I was accused of being the worst person in the world. The worst parent in the world. I played the villain because that was who I needed to be at the time to not make anyone feel any lower than they did.

I do not know how the whole story was taken .. I might not have been believed, whatever their reaction was.

But then she went and told her own grandson that his another sold his North Face coat for ciggies and when I get the text earlier today .. I was first shocked that she would tell her own grandson this and then .. I laughed.

In one fell swoop just as she thought she could cause more mayhem between those I left behind .. she dropped herself right in it and it was the best £11 I ever spent!

“Well I learnt my lesson .. I thought she had changed?!” and I said “Oh don’t. When she bought me that North Face coat I actually started to think that she had changed and the lies and manipulation had stopped!”

The North Face coats were identical that is how the confusion came about .. she .. caused it! Lol.

I know why she did the lying. It should have been obvious and it was something I thought could occur if something was ever realised. Upon hearing the anger over what was said to me I then simply asked one question. If the answer was ‘yes’ I would immediately know why she did it. The answer was ‘yes’.

I KNOW why she did it.

That is all I will say on here because I know the eyes that pry.

What she does not know is that there are other eyes that pry. I have known this form day one and I would not like to be in her shoes over the next couple of months!

There are a few ears too that are not going to be impressed either!

Oh dear, oh dear! Lol.

I should have picked up myself on a couple of things too, again my memory and the anxiety I was already experiencing failed me. Some people were disappointed in me and I do not blame them, but I had many reasons and the lies told to me were the main ones.

The anxiety came about because the money was getting low for me and then I was panicking about the car .. which was all arranged but then I had left the logbook in London. If it was not for the logbook and the lies I would still be there now. I had spent weeks fighting off the feelings of anxiety to stay there as long as I could and try to correct my mistakes. Except bizarrely it was only after I got back that I realised that correcting them up there might have been impossible?

Fortunately I have found my logbook after returning and the car is being taken care of. Hopefully which reminds me I must send a text about that.

I have to do two other things .. well four to be honest ..

• See solicitor, drop off package and sign release forms for medical records

  • Told her about other things that she may or may not help with

    • Google Adsense Ads

    • Universal Credit

    • Somewhere to live

    • No deposit back or references from house I lived in ten years

• Sell that damn car

• Get a up to date passport (Identification Issue)

• Get an up to date Drivers Licence (Identification and Driving Issue if I ever drive again)

The only thing is the Drivers Licence might be a waste of time .. because I might not be allowed to drive or now I have found out there are certain types of driver’s licences called .. medical .. wait a minute?

https://www.gov.uk/driving-medical-conditions/renewing-or-reapplying-for-your-licence

https://www.gov.uk/renew-medical-driving-licence

Yes, there you go. If you have a medical condition it may turn out that you cannot drive at all or you have to have a Medical Driver’s Licence, which I had never heard of before until I was looking up about whether I would have mine taken away.

I mean I was OK driving back but with a chaperone and .. well then there is the memory problems and I did end up in Nottingham when I first went up to Birkenhead and in all the years I have driven I have never done that before!

I just could not get used to my way around and it was taking longer than usual and if I was with someone else it was fine as they showed me where to go. But alone I needed the GPS system, which was old in all honesty and took me the wrong way a lot as well as the long way a lot.

As for me .. there is that .. nagging thing I cannot stop thinking about. Well there are a lot of things but there is one that is boring into my brain in a way that I did not expect. Ah .. I just put my head in my hands as I thought about and typed it!

Jesus Christ what is wrong with me?! I really am not used to feeling like this. It has been so very, very long. I know what I think it is .. well I am sure of what it is but .. this is me here?! This does not and has not happened in a long, long time.

That is why it has bothered me so .. how can this be happening? It makes no sense at all .. and that kind of makes me curious. That has me asking myself, why?

That white woolly hat!