I am in another quandary!

One of the many reasons I continue to see Mind was that I feared that something would happen. I always feel that something will go wrong, even though I have done everything that has been asked of me as well as being forthcoming with the truth.

Of the two reasons I mainly see Mind one is over anxiety attacks that just keep coming every so often and the other is my failing memory. I am not sure they can help but today I do not think the person I saw was not sure she could help.

But I thought it a good idea as Fibromyalgia causes mental issues and they are specialist at it. An example is that Fibromyalgia specialists along with sufferers are under the impression that there are two things that set off Fibromyalgia …

  1. Physical trauma to the head like an accident that causes whiplash

  2. Mental Trauma caused by some very serious issue that causes an extremely stressful or extreme anxiety attack

I did not believe the second reason and explained that on here several times over the last couple of years. From a scientific standpoint I did not buy into the mental trauma theory and it is just theory. I put this down to people having little accidents where they got whiplash to the neck but by the time they were experiencing several symptoms Doctors could not explain they had forgotten about some little incident involving whiplash.

It may not require a jerk to the neck hard enough to cause whiplash in some cases, or even all cases?

Now the counsellor explained at one point about going through issues regarding old and deep memories, repressed memories, in other words. She explained that a stressful event may have triggered the trauma and this might have led to the Fibromyalgia?

She explained Sigman Freud‘s ideas about repressed memories and what they can do and suddenly I was intrigued …

  • She question a possible link that I had previously ruled out

  • She mentioned Freud!

  • Sigmund Freud was a highly intelligent man that had theories regarding people’s minds (something I admired but never looked into in detail)

  • She drew a head she later admitted looked lie an egg and explained how the idea was that the repressed memories work and the process for getting them out

I then explained that thee was a theory that in Fibromyalgia it could be set off by mental stress but then explained why I had personally ruled it out scientifically.

For those not familiar with Fibromyalgia Syndrome it all comes down to a hereditary problem that involves a small kin in the central nervous system around the base of the neck. Various reports state that there is around a 50% chance of someone in a family getting it.

Now these reports and statistics are questionable straight away because Fibromyalgia being set off is down to … let us say just whiplash for now. Therefore I could then state that the 50%, or a large chunk of this figure, may have been lucky enough to have never had an accident involving physical trauma to the head. I could say the same even if mental stress is involved.

It is called a ‘syndrome’ for a reason. Because that word quite literally means the condition is not fully understood. That applies to everything that is a syndrome.

Except, though cannot be 100% certain, that most of my mental trauma took place after my big road accident in … umm … around 1983. I only remembered this tonight and as I tried to remember today … it was too long ago to remember if I was having any issues that could be down to Fibromyalgia. Absolutely everything to do with Fibromyalgia all occurred at various, very far apart in some instances, points in time after being run down by a car quite badly.

Now for those that do not know … I say the accident was bad but only because it was enough to knock me unconscious and the rest of it I am clueless to. I can only tell you what a group of people explained to me after I woke up.

I was turning right and the last thing I remember is tyres screeching and a car hitting me on my left side.

I apparently rolled over the bonnet of the car and then up the windscreen and onto the roof before rolling along it and coming off the side and onto the tarmac.

I woke up at some point, thought I was in bed and asking myself why my bed felt so bloody hard.

I then realised what had just happened, could only wonder if another car was going to come along and stood up.

I limped to the pavement and when I got there felt a massive pain in my right thigh and fell unconscious for a second time.

When I awoke I could hear someone calling my name and opened my eyes to a ring of faces all around me, I recognised the voice and then the face. It was a Turkish girl called Neijela, not sure if that is spelt correctly, that was in my class at primary school a few years earlier. She knew where my mother lived and went and told them. They arrived a while later prior to or while the ambulance was there.

As many of my issues are either confined to my right side or started on my right side I came up with the conclusion that as the car hit my left, my body on my right side got over stretched causing little issues that would manifest later on? This theory was prior to discovering Fibromyalgia.

The oldest odd pains that I have experienced for years started a few years after that accident. AN odd hip pain followed by a lot of heartburn. The hip pain only occurs in certain positions and … let us say I could NOT do Yoga! Sitting on the floor with legs crossed and back upright is simply impossible for me to do and has been for 30 years or so.

Oh and the only thing I got from the accident was a torn right thigh muscle that was locked in one position, half bent. Any attempt to alter leg angle regardless of which way caused seeing pain. For a few weeks this would cause me to wake up screaming in the middle of the night.

Absolutely NO broken bones. It is mainly down the the fact that I had never broken a bone that had me confused after I had my back x-rayed deliberately in the wrong position that they said I had Osteopenia. That is midway between normal bone density and brittle-bone density the latter of which affects a different branch of my family.

Now besides the fact that the NHS wrongly laid me on my side for the back x-ray when they should have done a ‘weight bearing’ x-ray, what was interesting was exactly where this Osteopenia was spotted. At the base of my neck and the region where the kink in the central nervous system is that causes Fibromyalgia. A bizarre coincidence?

Once the kink in the neck has been compressed to a certain degree the brain starts to malfunction … yeah, yeah you can stop laughing this is serious! Lol.

What happens is you start to go without ‘restorative sleep’. The brain now not doing that sleeping does not do its brain and body duties others get,, so they are tired when they wake up.

Likely because of this it starts firing off pain signals that are simply not there, but this does not mean to say you can rule out every pain you get as Fibromyalgia.

It is my own theory that what happens iss that the pains that are set off are ones that you have had previously and those are easier to fire when the malfunctioning is going on?

Now here is a pickle …

I just recently attempted a small mature walk with a friend yesterday but by the time I got back to the car I was barely able to walk due to pain at the top of my right leg. Unfortunately this continued throughout today. But ..

If I am right about Fibromyalgia will this new pain get … ‘remembered’ and fore off again at some point in the future and itself become regular like my Plantar fasciitis pain and others?

I do not recall having a pain like that but maybe I am not remembering and there … was no pain and therefore was my Fibromyalgia remembering some pain I had some time ago I could not recall?

Fibromyalgia also screws with your memory but only in the short term areas, which itself is curious and I am interested to know why this is. It has even affected my typing which has combined with a very epensive professional keyboard that was a used piece of crap when I bought it from PC World and it keeps adding extra characters and does not register keystrokes.

If you have not drawn an obvious conclusion from this then for about a year now it has been absolutely hellish typing out posts and highly frustrating.

This all gets progressively worse over time and something that affects me every single day of my life, which can be many things fired up, combined with other issues like my back pain. Or on rare occasions can be very little.

So everything that has been thrown at me of late has not been good and therefore why I had a breakdown, or series of anxiety attacks.

Now as I have posted many times recently I have explained everything has been thrown at me along with the kitchen sink and then some?

I had my ESA cancelled. I then had my Housing Benefit payments cancelled and I sorted it all out and claimed Universal Credit as I had no choice?

Well I got a phone-call this morning and they threw another itched sink at me!

I might have mentioned that my rent has not arrived and by Monday was officially late and have had not a single letter from the council about this. In other words no warning. They did this two months ago and that time they did give me a letter warning me … of TWO days warning! My brain is actually trying to tell me the cancellation date was actually the day before I received the letter?

Well, and remember this for the chronological events below, I got a call from Universal Credit this morning, two hours before I was due at Mind. Now I thought my PIP had been cancelled? I did not attend an assessment so I assumed this would go down the same road as ESA … cancelled. I was getting court letters stating PIP Appeal on it thaat I did not contact them over and that you can only appeal against something that has already been cancelled. I asked the Job Centre and they checked on their system that I was getting no benefits at all, before applying for Universal Credit.

Two week ago today my PIP payment went in as normal, which was bloody great as my other application would not come through for six weeks.

Yeah well I had emailed the council and they contacted the DWP and UC called me up and discovered that I was already receiving PIP, which will be cancelled at any time in the next couple of weeks. The lady made it look like I was up to something and I pointed out about the PIP Appeal letters and assumed it was over. I FORGOT to tell her that the Job Centre also told me four weeks ago that I was receiving absolutely NO BENEFITS.

Now let me … remember … didn’t David Cameron, George Osborne and Iain Duncan-Smith state that they were changing the welfare state to make things far more efficient and more importantly … FAIR?!

I had a friend call me, ex social worker, and when I told him what they had just said he went mad and could not get over it. During a thirty minute conversation he kept getting angry about the state of the DWP and all the feck-ups they have caused me along with the council. I reminded him that for a fair while and up to 5 or 6 years ago I had predicted this happening, like I predicted the financial crash 5 years before it happened, and everyone thought I was mad? He admitted this.

My friend kept telling me what they was doing was illegal so let us get to it … put simply I have had one benefit cancelled, a second one cancelled and now a third one cancelled twice non of which were of any fault of mine.

This is making things better, more fair and more efficient is it?!

I stated four years ago that there plans would not work and they would run two departments for effectively each benefit for a couple of years and they have done exactly that!

I did also state that changing the welfare system was a damned good idea but that was only in the case thaat they were telling the truth regarding their intentions. I also explained that IF their intentions were not honourable ones and nothing like they told the public and the news media that it would simply fail and cost the taxpayer a fortune.

They just keep on probing me right. Time after time.

IN fact EVERYONE just keeps on proving me right … time after time.

Soo how about laying out the fiasco step by step of where both the DWP and the HMCTS service have screwed up. Not once or twice, mind you, but at least a half a dozen times or more for each of the DWP and their bought out courts and tribunals service, HMCTS?

A chronological, I hope, series of events … no, fuck ups …

  • Assessment for ESA, 22 miles away, I did not attend

  • ESA cancelled

  • Go to CAB

  • Mandatory Reconsideration made

  • Told they will give in

  • Refused Mandatory Reconsideration

  • Appeal Started Up

  • Council cancel the rent – GET LETTER WITH TWO DAYS NOTICE

  • CAB say they will send someone with me

  • Get asked for PIP assessment, do not go

  • Running around council and bank with documents to get rent paid

  • Expect PIP to be cancelled just s ESA was

  • Get two lots of HMCTS (Court)) letters some stating ESA Appeal (3 of) and some PIP Appeal (2 of)?!

  • Assume PIP now cancelled

  • Illegal Tribunal as no GP or solicitor present and no mention of my evidence

  • Tribunal really bad and I know I have lost 5 minutes in

  • Rent gets paid TWO WEEKS LATE

  • Apply for Universal Credit as I have no option

  • NOT aware that UC also pays Housing Benefit

  • As it takes 6 weeks to get money I ASSUME next rent paid by council

  • Council already cancelled rent when Incapacity Benefit is stopped

  • Sorted that out

  • Week after tribunal I get letter from HMCTS stating my ESA Appeal is coming up?!

  • A few says later I get HMCTS letter again stating my PIP Appeal is coming up

  • Except PIP payment goes into my account on next due date?!

  • Of course council DO NOT pay last months rent

  • After four weeks of waiting into Universal Credit application I get a phone-call, this morning, to tell me my Universal credit has been cancelled because I have PIP payments

  • Annoyed with myself as I explained I thought it had been stopped due to the court letters I possess stating PIP Appeal coming up but forgot to tell her the Job Centre told me that according to their computer network “Your getting no benefits at all”

  • Begging the question … Why did the council stop the rent again AND without NOTICE?!

  • Universal credit called me about Housing Benefit … because I sent an email but this was to Enfield Council

  • Question: So Enfield Council once again stop paying with NO NOTIFICATION and contact DWP … but my Universal Credit has been cancelled soo…

  • Did the DWP inform the council who are now planning to pay the rent?

  • The very idea of making contact is to find out information to a problem i.e. that above

  • The very reason you have a computer network is to access information soo …

These are all mistakes that will have … consequences that many are going to have to first … explain and secondly .. pay for.

In fact this sequence of events shows that the HMCTS are just as incompetent as the DWP and are very biased in the favour of the DWP.

Most likely blinded by some brainwashing that has convinced them they are doing this for their country? Umm, NO! Your not! But do not worry somewhere between 5 and 10 years from now you will realise this. Far too late, but you will realise this. Those that did this, that is.

“What a fucking mess these public services are!! It begs belief” is more or less what my friend said who was a social worker for fifteen years. Before stating how I have had far too much to think about in recent times and now my landlord, the DWP again and Eon Energy have all decided to come at me.

  • A missing and absent relative

  • Homelessness

  • Symptoms that magically have no cause (recent MRI & EEG … yeah, right)

  • Fibromyalgia Syndrome

    • Over dozen painful areas

    • Memory Lapses

    • Over heating body temperature

  • Back Pain that lasts for weeks

  • A relative that decided she had a right, among ten grandchildren, to over £500,000 of my grandfather’s money, mainly a £300,000 to £400,000 house (I have NOT blogged about this but I was in contact with half a dozen organisations to stop this taking place, by a cousin and I had backing of the other nine grandchildren, including the perpetrator’s own siblings)

  • Death of a Baby

  • Birth of a Baby

  • Bored and Depressed with nothing to do

  • ESA of the DWP

  • UC of the DWP

  • PIP of the DWP

  • A narcissist who makes everything about them

  • Loneliness, single for 3 years plus (stopped counting,, lol)

  • Friends that question all my research and what I have been told and INSISTING they are right when they keep proing themselves wrong

  • Dreaming about living in a foreign country where I do not have MOST of the above or even all of the above if I can get the right MEDICATIONS!!

Oh dear, what DID I DO in a past life to deserve this?!

They told me I can apply for JSA online … ummm no you can not …



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