That is what it has been feeling like of late. Even just the new job of looking for a … job.
Sometimes I just do not … think.
But then that is one of my primary problems.
Sometimes it can take me a while … but I normally get there eventually.
This morning the rain patted the windows and thoughts of freedom were limited and the sands of time running dry before my eyes.
I turned to the task of finding a part time … vocation. Many things I had seen would not really lead me anywhere of note or that would suit me. Finding things close to hand also looked impossible and even a strange look from my new Jobcoach forced me to ask myself if he thought the task impossible? Or even the wrong conclusion that I was not really interested? Or perhaps he had seen or may … be … read something that made him realise that any new … vocation forced upon me would lie not last long or perhaps even backfire?
Perhaps Jobcoaches just have other distractions on occasion?
So I plundered through bob title after job title and detail after little detail. The strange things is I do not even know how it came about, whether I did a search … umm, no, ,or come across a webpage purely by chance? But I did come across a webpage that peaked my interest and would solve all my current problems … well most of them,, in one fell swoop. It may even turn out to do a great deal more than that … once I got thinking and once I spotted a couple of roles that were advertised.
Jesus. Why did I not think of this before?! Well … I kind of … did! But I obviously never gave it enough thought.
So here is a clue … why don’t I … just do what I have already been doing already for bloody years?! LOL!
Stay with me here …
For the last four years plus now I have been writing and blogging and in so doing I had intentions of helping others.
So why don’t I just do that?
But, I hear many now saying, you have to go look for a job because of this Universal Credit and jobmatch thing?! Well who says it cannot be a job? Especially when you ..
I am such … an idiot!
I saw this role that included meeting people who have things on their mind or issues of one kind or another. It basically stated that anyone that has a lot of experience can use this to help advise others.
If there is one thing I have from dark periods to bereavements and even to studying all the way to a BSc Degree and even stupidly turning down a Doctorate that is one thing I have in spades.
Added to that is my extremely long list of interests to which I not only have a great idea of knowledge in but that which I ccan get or encourage others into as a way of finding a distraction. I possess knowledge that spans several areas of the animals kingdom, astronomy, astrophysics, quantum mechanics, botany and orchids and carnivorous plants especially, kung fu, cycling, computers, technology, photography and many others besides.
As I read this paragraph it was almost as if a flagpole emerged from my head, raised ever so slowly up until it caught a breeze and a flag unfurled revealing a light bulb.
It was like a calling!
There is a slight delay as the web-page seems to be taking awhile to register me and … well it wont let me do a damn thing until it seems me an email with a confirmation link, well it has to be that.
There was even one I could do from home … though I am not sure I want to be stuck indoors … so I may end up registering for two different positions?
Whatever it is that is troubling people I can explain to them what I have done and I can even show them! Even if it about the state of the country or the world I can show them that there are people or groups endeavouring to do something about it. To bring about change. Even if it is a little bit at at time.
Dumb, dumb, dumb. I am staggered that in the last four years plus that I never thought about this before. It would give me something to do and hopefully something to get me out of the house and I can actually help others.
Trumpets started to ring out and sound all around me as I stumbled upon this realisation and suddenly things look … different. Things feel different.
Where IS that damn email? Still not there.
Of course this course could lead to other pathways? The possibilities are, I am not going to say it, many.
It did occur to me that with others that may be in a similar predicament that instead of being forced into somewhere you do not like, not suitable or bloody far away from where you live it might be an idea for you? You can see something you like, close by and it may lead to other things?
There were … couple I could not apply for … due to me and these organisations having something of a … history! Lol. The very sight of my name is liable to cause the paper they read it on, CV or computer to burst into flames of fire and brimstone. Putting it mildly, lol.
That, umm, applied to some of the jobs I saw advertised too! I was like ‘Oh who is that for? OH! Yeah … no! They would probably ask me in for an interview just so that could hiss and spit at me like an angry cat?!’ Well … you shouldn’t tell lies to your customers or the public in general. You shouldn’t do it for those that you work for either. Hmm something else that will not get ma many jobs or fired from them in no time at all. Probably?
Interested to see where this path leads me to. I am actually genuinely interested in this one and the very idea that I have several to choose from that are actually reachable without nigh on killing me slowly or quickly over time.
Oh where the sands of time will travel? If issues are held together and the path trodden the destinations sought can be assured and perhaps sped up?
Those trumpets are now accompanied by the voices of angels whose notes soar like Swifts chasing down flies while but a glimmer in the distance of a clear sky.
For the briefest of moments the autumn becomes the summer again and one we barely had.
The thought if this had occurred a year ago was met with realisation that a year ago many other things were ongoing. For the most of 2015 and this year of 2016 this occurring to me would have been .. difficult. To say the least.
Now the question remains is whether or not the DWP and Jobcoach are happy with volunteer work or their latest drive to get people off benefits and save money does not allow room for volunteering? Nothing would surprise me at this stage.
I have never been as eager to register as I am now and nor has it ever taken as long!
Typical, it is probably the only registration in history, or that I have applied to,, that is bloody manual and will not be done until tomorrow?!
Probably about the same time the reply email from the Jobcoach will state that volunteer work does not count? Lol.
The mists of time have become murky of late and still hold many secrets that insist on hiding from view. These could decide to show themselves in the ever lengthening weeks or could still remain doggedly hidden.
Oh what difference there would be with the benefit of a little foresight? Something akin to an ocean as expansive as that of the Pacific. Or perhaps the boredom and meanderings of a chess grandmaster that is yet to reveal themselves?
You simply have no other choice other choice than that to … play the game.
Upwards I am ever climbing following that of a distant sound as if my name echoed out there in the darkness? Beckoning me onwards and upwards. Like a mountain it continues on only seemingly endless. Perhaps a hall awaits me at the top that is littered with answers? Perhaps a doorway to some other worldly place and my next and more peaceful destination? Maybe an area to wash away my sins, troubles and memories so sore in thought? Would I gaze upon all that which I leave behind or continue on without a second thought? One my many questions I have so desired the answers to.
Like the beating of a drum my heart races with yearning. Scouring every corner for the answers I desire and seeking out signs of the changes I seek. The path winds ever on gradually fading into the mists atop the mountain before me.
One foot and then the other ever onwards, ever upwards.