MY SECOND NIGHT

Well I resisted phoning a crisis team. I did think that I would end up doing that but I resisted.

Upon waking this morning something else popped into my head about that dreaded court appeal hearing. This is what it is like for me almost all the time. I am not on the ball and things often come to me later … especially when you have taken pills and added a diazepam on top of it all. Plus of course losing interest in explaining anything due to the attitude of the person you think you are there to have a conversation with.

The assessment claims?

When I sent my paperwork to the appeal court one of the things I did was send them five letters, which are on here an have been for years, of three home visits arranged by them, the DWP or their hied goons, that they did not turn up to. Each time they lied.

I also pointed out that in a recent letter they stated I had not turned up for five assessments and was worded so that they insinuated that this was recently.

So once again by the judge’s own attitude and logic this is perfectly reasonable behaviour.

Except that she basically twisted my definition of what a blackout is, when I am not a fecking Doctor, and made it sound like this was lying and that I was some terrible person because of it. Remember neither the Neurologist nor the Neurophysiologist corrected me when I described my blackouts and what occurred with them.

If there was ever a better example of ‘Us & Them’ I would certainly like to know about it.

I could have easily lied.

I could have very easily put on a fake and very bad limp and leaned heavily on my walking stick for an hour.

I could have said that I was dropped at their door by a friend in his car and that I went to Royal Free Hospital by car with a friend, as was originally planned. The same friend that was a social worker for fifteen years and went absolutely mad as I explained several things that happened, just as everyone else did.

Except I forgot to remind them about the lies about failing to turn up here three times and stating that I had failed to turn up to five assessments and that this was not mentioned at all by the judge, despite me sending them the Home Visit letters.

Ahh was just something I remembered this morning.

Now I go back to dreading the anxiety getting stronger again as it seems to be coming and going in waves.

The ‘establishment’ obviously do not see the Internet as a problem or threat.

I reckon that prior to coming after me they must have corrupted the court at some point and had people work out just how much of a threat I am on-line or the Internet is? Maybe they just looked at my numbers and decided I was not even close to being a threat to them for the time being.

After all what would happen to them once it was?

Now we all know how that goes, do we not?

A year down the line, or more, they all say sorry and change things and no one gets put in jail because of it or even loses their jobs or ludicrous pension, even.

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