Deep Thought

Life is … strange.

I often wonder what it is all about. Who are we? Why are we here? Where are we going? What lies in wait for us at the end of the universe?

These are the questions that have played making for a millennia.

So much is this so that we came up with our own ideas to put some sense into it all be coming up with various ideas and stories that still persist and are believed today. Unfortunately it is also one of the main things that actually have held us back from both venturing further afield and the answers.


I’m about all that you can see, all that you can touch, all that you can solve. Though admittedly I have difficulty solving issues a lot closer to the ground and should be a great deal easier.

I cannot go a day without asking questions about my own life and it’s path. Was it preordained? Is there anything in the way of continuation? After failure do you get to come back again and have another crack at it?

Would I want to have another crack at it?

Therein lies one of the most important questions if the modern world. In the most unlikely of places and in our own stress and efforts there exists the clues to state that we do return. I wonder if there is something just as mysterious as quantum mechanics that has a role in all this or indeed it is in fact quantum mechanics that plays a part?

Are their rules?

If you have had a difficult life but stayed good do you get rewarded with your next life? Do you come back to a rewarded life?

Would make perfect sense except for the fact that you don’t recall your old life, or only do so briefly when your a child.

Do you get to choose?

What if you come back as someone with physical faults? How about someone horrid? Someone driven by ancient animal instincts? A killer?

The very idea sends a shiver down my spine!

Hence why I wonder if you have a choice.

Scientists strive all their lives, will true scientists, to achieve something, to progress technology, to further advance mankind. Why would we have the strive to do that unless deep down we knew we were coming back?

I often think that way. I often wonder about the advanced of computing or astronomy. I ask myself if I will live long enough to see certain things or that if I come back would I get to see them in my own life?

Maybe even our phobias are some reminder of previous lives as something seeps through? I myself have two phobias with one being claustrophobia, but has to be a very confined space indeed. The other is a fear of heights but like claustrophobia this has to be beyond a certain height.

I wonder if I fell to my death in a previous life and redundant memory is awoken whenever I look down from a high enough height?

I cannot even stand to see other people, especially children, bear the edges of a cliff edge. I want to run over and drag them back and away from the danger.

Always that that was odd, even though it’s been like that since I was around 12 years old. But then back then I was always standing in for kids being beaten on and not able to protect themselves.

Is it always our animal genes that makes us behave in horrid ways to each other or something much deeper? Whenever I would watch programmes about ghosts being contacted, senses or contacted by clairvoyants they would pick up on happy souls, angry and even evil. So is it our basic animal instincts or is it our souls that possess these traits?

If it’s our souls I should come back as a similar person to that I am right now? A comforting thought especially if I can shed the things I don’t like about myself.

It’s it’s our genetics … this thought troubles me as I could come back as something I currently despise. That creates a strong shudder. SHUDDER!

I stated earlier about coming back to see scientific advancements that I might get to see and it might be nice to see a better run society with people treating each other a great deal better? The trouble is I am also aware that because of the lack of memory of a previous life I would not therefore appreciate seeing these advancements.

I am aware of this because I am probably doing this right at this very moment. As are you!

I’ve always know since a child that this planet has a limited lifespan and just like any young scientist, especially also interested in animals and wildlife, you wonder why life revolves?

Is it done race that starts to see if we can evolve which enough to survive the fate of our world and spread out among the stars? There are certainly plenty of films and TV series that leans to this kind of future. Once it comes will we be the only ones to leave or would we make sure we are accompanied by other forms of life?

Maybe in some way other species sense this and decide to learn to live around us, among us?

Animals, however, must see there would as infinite? Or do they? They themselves are not infinite but maybe they do see themselves as so?

Until they learn to speak we remain in the dark on that one.

Dogs and cats are the obvious ones to think of but we have many more pets that range beyond the domestic and into the exotic. A quick scan of my YouTube channel will show you that I am more of the latter than the former. Amphibians is my thing followed by reptiles, fish and orchids.

I always felt an affinity to flight, for some reason. I loved the Superman films and comics as a kid as well as fighter aircraft, both American, Russian and our own British jet fighters. As I got older I learned that my great grandfather was a test pilot for Avro and the RAF and died in a plane crash testing the fore runner to the infamous Lancaster bomber, called the Avro Manchester. I remember being told he veered away from houses and crashes into trees. So much sounding like that I would have done. There are even mentions in several books about the accident and my great grandfather’s name.

Again there are videos of the books and name on my YouTube channel. Asking with my other interests.

I have felt an incredible amount of underachieving in my life, despite my best efforts. As I become ever more hampered by one terrible health condition combined with a couple of others, everything I tried seem to fall flat on its face.

As the decades have now gone by I have felt someone cheated.

Being into technology and computers I’ve wondered about the creation of artificial intelligence along with the possibilities of uploading our own minds into a computer. Or perhaps better still a robot or cybernetic organism? A cyborg.

I became aware there are those that also think along these lines, though how many of them are scientific or just sci-fi fans I do not know. Not that it truly matters. They call themselves ‘Transhumanists’.

I cannot help but wonder if they have had similar lives and felt cheated as I have done?

My father said to someone once that I had “…never had a fair crack of the whip!” referring to the bad luck and things that had gone wrong. He also thought I would ultimately succeed in my endeavours. He has been dead 13 years or so, thanks in no small measure to the BBC, and probably good that he was not around to see the last thirteen years? But then maybe half the things would not have happened had he been around?

Who knows?

Maybe these things are why I became such a fan of the game series of Deus Ex? I loved the film Ex_Machina too but hated the ending beyond belief!

A writer that truly doesn’t understand computers.

Create something that behaves like an animal intentionally but a dog never kills it’s master. Or the person that just helps it, especially if it desires soo much to be seen as human, or a living being.

Maybe the human race is designed to have the technology that is like that of the Deus Ex games? Body parts that are lost are replaced by ones that are the same shape but are totally artificial and stronger than the body part list and can perform version things. Augmented limbs and such? The idea behind the games is how the world would react to people like this, stronger than your average person or with powers.

Not a lot different to tools someone might carry today about their person on their way to a job? They are hardly about to start shooting projectiles at high speed from various body parts. But people will naturally fear the possibilities decades or even hundreds of years before they happen.

Just look at global warming.

No one really knows why it is. No one knows if it can be reversed or even halted altogether. But worry about it everyone is and that’s an understatement in most cases. Because a majority of bad scientists wanting so bad to appear on TV jumped on the bandwagon that sensationalist journalists love do much, impending doom, the majority still believe it and panic.

In my experience almost everyone cannot see the wood fit the trees, even when individual trees are pointed out to them. I find that many refuse to see the trees and shake their heads and refuse to adjust their focus. Like there is some kind of invisible comfort in the woods but individual trees are too much reality for them to take?

Would this be the genes to blame for this or instead, the soul?

If these realities are ignored in some ignorance that brings about the bliss then why do we live or accept a world like this? What is so big a problem that to change the way that we live becomes impossible?

Even at the idol end of the spectrum, don’t get me started, why do overpaid actors think they should get ever higher and ludicrous paychecks while the series of TV programmes or films they star in are losing ratings and therefore money?

It seems ignorance exists everywhere while intelligence and even simple common sense does not?

A strange species we are. Yet we constantly perceive ourselves to be so much more than we are. While we let these ancient instincts of deadly sins to rule is which often means it’s others that suffer.

How often have we loved following relationships on TV and films only to be surprised at a later date that the two actually hated each other? Even to the extent of having things arranged so that the time spent together filming is only restricted to a couple of days each week?

It never ceases to amaze me each time this occurs. Badly acted soap operas not included in all that.

Then you wonder which one is the villain, if they are both as bad as each other or there had just been some stupid misunderstanding?

We are our own worst enemies a large majority of the time.

So where are we going?

I ask that because the answer may be completely different to the question … Where is it we want to be going?

Sometimes just simply asking two questions looking identical but asked ever so slightly differently that can stop us in our tracks and make us question our own answers. Question whether or not we indeed have the right answers. We still often don’t realise that we don’t.

I see this every single day.

Much more money, effort and resources are placed into things that are, for want of a better word, charades. Falsities. Lies. I am not speaking of the ones that I have recently and mostly blog about. I’ll let you decide that of which I refer to.

So the ultimate question is, how long.

More specifically how long before we realise what we are doing and change it?

Maybe a more important question is whether or not this wrong way has impaired of chances of survival, made them impossible or will do so at some point.

A very catastrophic meteorite strike, series of large earthquakes, comet or realising our yellow sun expanding into a red giant star in 100 years, if we are lucky to get a warning and predict it, would soon make everyone realise.

The question would then be is it a realisation too late.

Another one would be are we worthy of being saved. Are we add a species far too amoral individually and too linked back to our primate ways to make a life out among the stars?

These are questions I had hoped I would love long enough to see answered. Or at least have the obvious answer changed.

With my father and Uncle dying at ages 8 years from my own age and me showing far more symptoms of this hereditary illness than they did, it doesn’t look very likely.

But, who knows?

Maybe I will be pleasantly surprised in a number of levels and in a number of ways over the next 8 years?

I’ve certainly worked hard towards that.

I don’t currently possess all the tools to do everything I want to and have to make do with what I have and what I can afraid together. But this could change at any time. With a little luck, that is.

I wonder when those driven by avarice stop and instead of setting up loans companies with interest rates of over 1000% per annum are replaced by companies or organisations that actually do something good or worthwhile?

I wonder when organisations that advertise that they help people are displaced by ones that actually do that? I’ve wondered about doing something along these lines myself.

Yes, I had a vision. A vision to do something on a very large scale that did good and caught many people’s attention. I also hope that this would act as a kind of catalyst. That others would follow suit and there would be created a whole sea of similar organisations and companies?

Well we can all dream.

It’s a nice dream. Likely will only ever stay a dream, again who knows?

Instead I spend my time looking for helpful dolphins in a sea of sharks. Like some animals that are predatory and mimic their prey to be able to get close, some sharks appear like dolphins. But once you get closer enough and waste a lot of time and money getting there, they are seen for what they are.

I am a restless person. I don’t know why but lately it’s been changing and heading in the opposite direction. Oddly I spent many years not being able to sleep and never saw an end to it. Then out of the blue this changed and not only do I sleep something close to normal but I also tend to start nodding off in the day. Very recently and in the past few days I’ve felt like I’ve had a seizure or fit coming on as I’ve nodded off. I know the feeling as I’ve had it before and get something like it when my postural hypotension kicks in.


What I don’t know is whether or not my inability to sit down and actually read and enjoy a book, scientific of course.

I’ve spent years with this endless desire to get out the house and do things. I’ve never understood it. Now it’s changing and I don’t know how it why this is happening and it feels oddly uncomfortable. Once again I don’t know why.

I’m ruled by things I don’t understand and worse still I can’t control. Not being able to control it and feeling a slave to it if what drives me to distraction most of all. Drives me insane.

But I see a lot worse each and every day. In others locally, nationally as well as globally.

I control much of myself but it’s these few that get to me most of all.

A bit like when I hear in some documentary how perfect or bodies are, the things they do and a wonder of nature. Yeah? You want to try spending a few weeks in my body, pal!

I’m constantly amazed at the things that don’t work, don’t work properly or just breakdown from time to time.

My sinuses have a habit of blocking up just as I’m in bed and about to go to sleep. What’s up with that?

Parts of my body send pain messages to my brain when there is nothing wrong with them! This is a trait for Fibromyalgia where a link in your central nervous system that’s taken the right whack, started firing off signals ask over the place.

But today we move about quickly in moving vehicles from simple push-bikes, to motorbikes, cars, vans lorries and aircraft. These have only been about for a hundred years and when coming to an abrupt stop those links get kinked further. We have not had long enough to evolve to deal with these sudden changes in movement and speed.

I would hate to come back and suffer from Fibromyalgia all over again. But then maybe the drugs will be better and those that suffer from it will be treated better? One can only hope.

But I’m not naïve enough to think it’s only Fibromyalgia Syndrome that is treated, or indeed not treated, in this way.

But then that’s the thing is it not, the naivety of the majority send to be that which is exploited by those we choose to govern the things most important to us?

But how do we ever stop it?

Is it simply a question of making enough people aware of it taking place, as I’ve chosen to believe?

Or if that we have not evolved enough to take that much information on board and retain it?

I for one hour it’s the former and not the latter otherwise I might have to refuse coming back into another human being fit several hundred years?

If I ever want to come back at all, that is?

Certainly another life like this one and I would have to pass.

Our bodily functions also limit is. We have to eat so much and we are tied to being in close proximity to a toilet. If we lived to 200 years of age and only needed food and a toilet a third of the time that we do, putting men and women on Mars would be a cinch! But we don’t, we do and it isn’t.

I used to imagine manning a space station orbiting Pluto and even started writing a sci-fi novel with the main character doing that very thing.

Like many other things I started, several novels included, they never got finished. Some never got started fit several years either.

Society as we know it is just so messed up and inefficient it simply is not true. Tell that to those that govern and run and I’ll bet you will be told a thousand reasons why it is run correctly. Shame they don’t just answer the questions, admit it to themselves and others and work to do something about it.

God knows how many more years will pass before we do correct our ways?

Speaking of which, I often wonder at what period in the future we will realise what’s wrong with today and look back and frown upon this period?

The writing is simply on the wall for that one and it’s not a case of ‘if’ but ‘when’. Ten years? Twenty? Fifty? Perhaps as much as 100 years but think it will be way before that.

Lately I’ve been wondering about the even more immediate trouble with infections becoming immune to antibiotics. Come as a bolt from the blue that one. Did think it was some way off and a bit of scare mongering until I read about Super Gonnerhea, that is.

Maybe it’s nature’s way of telling us there are too many of us?

There had to be reasons and answers to everything. It is just the way I look at and approach everything. Unfortunately life is appearing to not be long enough to answer everything, but just half of everything would have been nice.


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