I have had a strange few days.
I have been bored and impatient and in fact I was jotting down the thoughts in my Moleskine notebook, or one of them along with the inevitable questions to myself add to why these things occur.
I had been thinking about how the bloody weather had been dreadful so still not out on my new bike for several days yet again. An old friend long gone now used to hate I if it snowed this time of year but I always prayed for it. It would at least make things more interesting, pretty and I would always want to take my camera everywhere and take pictures. At least when it thawed spring would arrive fairly quickly and even the birds would be a sight with Fieldfares and Redwings often visiting my garden for the berries in a tree.
Nope, like this is a bloody nightmare and miserable as hell for anyone, not just someone with issues that may be caused by ailments or just issues on top of issues caused by ailments.
I am a fidget, no point disguising it I am a fidget and for several years have absolutely hated sitting still and hate the thought if not leaving the house. I am not entirely sure why but I know my Fibromyalgia amplifies all manner of electrical signals, as well as firing off pain signals desire their being no pain. Yes it’s very weird but if you know anyone with Fibromyalgia and they say their in pain and you think not having only limited knowledge of Fibromyalgia… stop! Forget the feet, knees, legs, arms or whatever it is that they say hurts. It’s not the point at all. The fact is the sensation is no different whatsoever to actually having the ailment. Because it’s all just electrical signals to the brain. Yes we’ll it’s bloody weird to me too and the other problem is with anyone with Fibromyalgia is that if you have anything new you do not know if it is a genuine ailment or injury or its just Fibromyalgia adding another damned symptom to the list. The list can be long too. Very long! Mine is around the 120 mark, symptom does not translate to pain, and around 200 were listed in one book I owned. Just remember I never got that back off one of the GPs that kicked me off their register over all this, lol.
For sidetracked there but anyway was wondering if it was a Fibromyalgia thing or whether or not I have got stuck with some bad habits that have become engrained. I have had to endure many things for a fair old while now. I wonder if they will ever fade? If they are habits that is.
It did not help when a few days back I noticed a paunch. A bloody paunch. I did some upper body exercises and become focused on exercising regularly, something I have not done for well over a year! I get down over these things. I don’t know why.
I have had no love life in years and no plans or actively seeking a new one. So why would I care about a damn paunch?
When I was pondering this earlier is I scribbled away in my notebook I considered how I not only see myself but also how I portray myself to others. The latter involves those I attack on this blog as I have been battling them for years, even if they were stupidly naive about it. To be anything that is not right and as such this paunch means a weakness. A chink in my armour if you prefer? Every aspect of both my personality and skill set had been tailored to look…impervious. Undefeatable both intellectually and physically because attacks on both levels are not only possible have both occurred previously!
Now the fact that I was not bettered previously, including physically by anyone ever including the bailiff and his glove wearing mate. It mattered not that I had not been defeated but it does matter a great deal that I am not defeated in the future and during the life of this blog so I need to change my attitude and routine from that I had last year. I have started to exercise and I must now stick to that.
I had plans to get another couple of tools, two help with one very neglected blog while one of the two would also help with several others. If I can work something out that is?
These tools are, however, at least 3 weeks away and possibly 7 weeks away in total. However the weather may have improved by then? God help us if it hasn’t as I could not even guess how many of us would be miserable by then? Lol.
Still the tools will be good whenever I do manage to get them as another few blogs will get a vast improvement over the next couple of years.
Yesterday the weathermen stated that it was going to be sunny in the afternoon and I wondered whether or not to go out on my bike. But then they have been dreadful at getting it right the last eighteen months or more! So imagine what I was thinking about the weathermen and the BBC showing off about it’s £76 Million computer to be more accurate with the weather and predict it over ten days instead of five when it was pissing down with rain as I headed for my town centre?!