TO STIFF AND LET DIE

Zombies.

Sometimes they can be the bane of my life, they truly can. One minute they are busily gnawing away on their latest snack. The next minute they are performing super…. dead human feats and their arms reach length somehow acquires a couple of feet?!

Best of all they are excellent in and around water where mite then five feet deep and your deaf if you fall in our attempt to swim!

Still I wanted to give them another chance.

Right now I am trying not to move a muscle. It is all I have allowed myself to fill is reach over and turn on my Advent Tablet PC from PC World that now runs out of juice while plugged in and had to be returned fur the second time now. The other two of the three I picked up from the store have each been back twice already. Hmm think at least one of them been back three times?

So that’s what you get from only one of two big name chain electrical goods retailers that have been flogging is second hand and refurbished/faulty goods as new since the late 90’s than even The Guardian Newspaper reported on but none of the governing bodies, ombudsman nor government did anything about nor did they earn the public… well they did not inform me. A tablet PC that totally ignores the first key on the keyboard you touch because your such an idiot you cannot even get the first letter in the word your after correct.

Yup on my tablet but no zombies. Yet I did state that I have not allowed myself to move? Ahh well…

I was downstairs on my desktop computer and for the first time in months I decided to play the extremely awful game Dead Island Riptide. This time I started from the beginning because all my previous attempts were useless on my saved game progress. The adversary that constantly defeated me previously was… water. No not zombies and as tough as they are in this game as well as miraculously come back to… umm death after you have removed their noggins. Nor is it wild animals and not the guns possessed by other players in this cooperative game. Not its water because your location is of course by a beach on an island that has rivers and you cannot swim.

Yoiy! Sorry close calm there… but not bloody zombies!

I was supposed to find a boat then an engine for the biggest because of course for some bloody reason all boats are separated from their outboard engines. Or as I like you call it ‘Naive Dummies Have A Wild Stab At Game Design’. Well after seeing the rubbish Google turned Android into, well why not?

Crashed the last boat on some rocks in deep water ski you could not reach it. Funny now reviewers managed to discover this major flaw. So I started anew.

Suddenly in the game I find myself accompanied by another player! This was one thing I had longed to do but never got around to, however I had reservations about this. Reservations I can now explain.
After relieving the island of a couple of zombies I was keen to get back to that damn boat. Also I had to get a guy some petrol before he would sell me a handgun he has feck all bullets for. So I jumped in the pick up truck to drive to my intended destination. You really do not wanna walk, the zombies are incredibly fast, impervious to a dozen whacks from a machete or baseball bat and did I mention return to… death? Oh yeah and then there are the exploding ones! I waited in the drivers seat for the other player to get in with me. After doing some concentric circles the dummy decided to get in the car. Yes dummy. The world is full of liars, cheats and fraudsters taught you be this way by governments. Well they are in the UK and many think they are the brains of Britain when they are so not. Some a lot closer to home than you might think too. Harsh to call him dummy? Well I drove around two bends, killed 3 zombies with my car and then hit the brakes. I got out you relieve the bodies of money and useful items such as batteries when I suddenly heard a car engine. I turned to see my car heading off down the road leaving me deserted with dozens of zombies and no gun!! Yes fecking dummy and a perfect example of why I hold reservations towards cooperative game, a word that this particular fecking dummy obviously had no idea of what ‘cooperative’ means our did not bother reading the box!

Anyway after the idiot seem to abandon the vehicle and then vanish I ventured off to do as I had intended and found another vehicle after getting killed a dozen times, of which costs you in game cash. Suddenly I found myself being accompanied by what appeared to be a female gamer. Now she was fast note like it and had a cute brain. She was organised and did not stay far away and we backed each other up. I even laughed when we were separated and I did not remember where the damn boat engine can be found and saw this girl coming round a corner struggling with the biggest engine in her arms with her legs bowed as she walked.

Now that was the experience I had hoped for and the only thing now I needed to get the game to do, as you would think it obvious, is be able to speak to each other via headsets and their microphones? Well I had one but the bloody sound was still coming through the speakers on either side of my living room!

Annoyingly as I was separately running around to clear this part I had previously been stuck on I started to feel nauseous. It had turned out that 8am this morning I awoke after only getting to sleep after 4am and then had mute abdominal pain with some of the other unpleasant symptoms I had previously. After a few hours these had died down around thirty minutes after 150mg of Tramadol. I had been OK for the rest of the day but for the umpteenth time in what must be nine weeks I decided against leaving the house.

So here I was with this nausea and I kept grabbing the back of my neck and stretching it to one side. In fact this grabbing of my neck had become habit of late without me noticing until I had woken in bed now the morning realising that in my deep slumber I had held my hand against the vertebrae in the back of my neck and really leaned my head to one side so that my hand put a lot of pressure on the vertebrae. I had discovered this brought about a weird feeling I can only describe as mild euphoria? In fact once I raised what was going on I started doing it in my waking hours at times and thought of twitchers used on horses lips to make them feel dozey, despite the act long like a medievil form of torture.

I had done this several times and was in the boat swinging my hammer at the part zombies, part barnacle and part fish when suddenly I felt really sick and had to pause the game and run upstairs, leaving this poor girl to fend for herself! Sorry! Could not help it. Honest!

So back to the start and I was not allowing myself to move a muscle because I feared if I did I would go into about of vomiting that the ‘111’ health help number heard me do and sent out an emergency response respectable bespectacled… oh the chaps in the cars, whatever they were called.

My word, how everything and everyone seems to be screwed up despite skill these people and organisations being paid for things to bit get screwed up?! Lol.

I sometimes think that if will take things being screwed you so badly that everyone can see before enough people realise they have been class dopes and contributed to everything being fecked up?

Would the sacrifices then come to reverse the feck up they caused? Or would they merely just leap into the drivers seat the moment you have it and desert you in the middle of a battle while they hurtle off in your car?

I myself play my games by the same choices I would make in life.

Had I caught up the the car thief I would have given him a damn good kicking with some choice words to boot.

*Sigh* I truly despair at times whether accompanied with fear or just eyebrow raising bemusement.

As for this bloody latest health condition? I keep thinking that I need to note sick to a diet…

However….

I am already supposed to stick to four out five of them.

With both Crohn’s Disease and Ulcerative Colitis being on the list of possibilities I can tell you from experience that all the things that know-it-alls line you tell you you eat, by quoting what they think is the obvious, many of these are on the definitely no-no-no list  which can and does include surprising things like FIBRE, ONIONS, SKINS OF VEGETABLES, LACTOSE, DAIRY, HIGH PROTEIN MEAT, YOUNG CHEESES, BEANS, SEEDS, STRAWBERRIES, TOMATOES AND MANY OTHERS!!

To put it simply if your bit both a dietician and a specialist consultant or Doctor don’t give out advice. Oddly enough it’s these types of people who’ll get annoyed with me and yet I would never hand out the advice to someone they are willing to do!

In fact this is what they get annoyed about I think is sometimes for being dicks but then want to blame me for looking like dicks and take it out on me, lol.

Yes that attitude bow adopted so readily by alcoholics and drug addicts in that they are victims so they are not bound by the same punishments, read ANY, and so go out and steal to fuel their addictions or even massage their own egos when really they are just stupid and pathetic, pretty thieves.

Ahem. Lol.

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